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Powerfull
Side Hero Username: Powerfull
Post Number: 4061 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 98.143.144.34
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 09:45 pm: |
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Okeokkadu:
Excellent  |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3646 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 06:56 pm: |
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Mario_puzo:ee mudu chetanalu kalipite manishi alocha baitiki poledu so, prati kshanam aa aalchane ani vadanu....
guchukunnaru sir...iyyalti nundhi meeki dasudni nenu......manchi depth undhi...touch lo undham |
   
Mario_puzo
Comedian Username: Mario_puzo
Post Number: 1938 Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 98.244.92.80
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 06:54 pm: |
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Okeokkadu: Antah chethana ante 'the subconcious' . Daniki plural word ledu - naa antah chethanalu ane usage badulu naa antah chethana ante saripothundi.
first of all thankyou for taking liberty .... akkada chetanallo ante adi plural for antah chetanakadu brother.....naa chetana(concious),achetana(unconc) and antah chetana(sub conc) ee muditiki kalipi "lalo" ani vadanu not just for antah chetana.....ee mudu chetanalu kalipite manishi alocha baitiki poledu so, prati kshanam aa aalchane ani vadanu....
Okeokkadu:secondline lo 'bimbamayi pravahisthondi" annaav. Pravahisthondi ane padaaniki oka dhaaTi undi. ventane jnapakapu "aasaraa" anagane aa dhaTi chacchipothundi. paraspara viruddha pada prayogam adi.
i agree......
Okeokkadu: next "aa devini okamaru kalisina " ani subject ni open chesesaav. "devi" ani cheppakapothe ..inkaa baguntadi.
naku cheyyalanipinchaledu.....rasi,delete chesi malli rasa, aa kurrod english version 'angel' ani specific ga mention chesadani
Okeokkadu: tanu bimbamai pravahistondi, tana jnapakala voddulni vadi vadiga oruskuntuu " or tanu bimbamai pravahistondi, tana jnapakala sudula alajadi reputhuu "
good one, kani rendu sarlu tanu/tana ravatam valla anukunta ekkado veliti anipistondi...i cant say though.....
Okeokkadu: d) sindhura chaitanyam ayindi evaru ? aa ammayaa ? aame jnapakamaa ? naku ardham kaledu.
aame bimbam(tana alochana) sorry cheppalsina panledu....thankyou |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3645 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 06:54 pm: |
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rhyme, metre and structure lekapothe vachedhi poem kaadhu...garbage...every beautiful thing should have a structure...easy or difficult depends on the mind that conceives....Human mind CAN'T THINK with out any overlay of order....... |
   
Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8216 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 130.36.62.142
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 06:40 pm: |
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Anand_n:tip tip barasti
actually .. nenu ide context lo teesukunna andi .. and I thought there was a word like that .. .. ofcourse .. naa hindi vocab pretty bad anukondi .. thats a diff issue !  |
   
Anand_n
Side Hero Username: Anand_n
Post Number: 6764 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 167.24.104.150
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 06:36 pm: |
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Der_schuler:"teepna" is a legit word
True - but teepna means to press down- e.g sitar ke taar teepna ...does not work for me with raindrops..tip tip barasti - would have been more appropriate in the context - but that may be your poetic liberty Mee verse lo grammar errors and usage chusi language radu anipinchindi - if you are well-versed in the language then you need to be more careful on those
Der_schuler:mee antha knowledge denilo ledhu naaku..
Should've trusted my first instinct of ignoring your request for critique I am out of here For All wannabe poets who hesitate to write, I heard this from my son's teacher in a "everyone can write poetry" introduction class for middle schoolers... Forget all your definitions about good poetry. Pick a thought and write out how you feel without trying to make it look good or pretty even. Write each sentence on a new line and you have poetry Then go back and edit if you want but ensure you do not change the flow of thought ... Write for yourself - without worry about how others see or rate it A wonderful teacher - he had 12-13 year olds writing very good poetry once they were freed from the constraints of rhyme, meter and structure  aa chal ke tujhe main leke chalu ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho,bas pyaar hi pyaar pale |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3643 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 06:19 pm: |
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to be precise "teepna" is present participle..may be some degree of transitiveness.. teepthi is an present continuous..... |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3642 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 06:16 pm: |
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Anand_n:Meeku hindi sarigga raadu anukunta ... There is no coherent line of thought in the verse - seems like words strung together randomly - and I do not think Tipthi is a word
May be.....tipthi kadhu....teepthi......mee antha knowledge denilo ledhu naaku.. "teepna" is a legit word...Hindi naaku sarigga radhu....anukuntunna...kiki |
   
Paga_babai_paga
Comedian Username: Paga_babai_paga
Post Number: 1188 Registered: 09-2009 Posted From: 144.15.255.227
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 03:21 pm: |
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Risingstar:Pedavi anchuna cherukunna Nissabdam Andamga Chedirevela theeram cherina aanandanni thana tharagala tharangini nruthyamthoo mathramee chusi tharangam mayamavuthundendukani? Naa Kalalaki Katha Vasthuva Neekelaa Cheppanu? Nee mungurula kadalikaloo naaku prapancham kanapaduthundani! Nee Kanureppala chappullaloo naaku Vedam vinapaduthundani!
ittanti post esi ennnalu ayyaindi. good going. Admin Abbayi, Neku chetulu etti ettali Dandam. |
   
Pplsuck
Comedian Username: Pplsuck
Post Number: 1481 Registered: 07-2008 Posted From: 99.239.247.178
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 03:00 pm: |
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>>>>>> mayya neeku vollantha vetakarame . >>>>>>>>>>> nuvvu maathram takkuvaa??.......baaga paraachikaalu aadathaav......last time dose sarigga padaledu kadaa....monna kooda coolpix nannu ban cheyinchaadani comedies chesaav.......busy gaa unnaa, cudnt get back to you.........anni lekkalu oka saari eppudo choosukundaam..... |
   
Eluri_kurradu
Side Hero Username: Eluri_kurradu
Post Number: 7961 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 159.182.1.4
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 02:57 pm: |
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Pplsuck:non-sense.........OO and Der on talking terms.........probably they forgot their castes....
mayya neeku vollantha vetakarame ..  |
   
Pplsuck
Comedian Username: Pplsuck
Post Number: 1479 Registered: 07-2008 Posted From: 99.239.247.178
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 02:48 pm: |
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non-sense.........OO and Der on talking terms.........probably they forgot their castes........ OO, DB kochchaav.....kala kalalaadutondi........welcome back...... "manishi maaraledu.....aathani mamatha teeraledu........" |
   
Risingstar
Hero Username: Risingstar
Post Number: 18578 Registered: 08-2008 Posted From: 159.182.1.4
Rating:  Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 02:46 pm: |
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Pedavi anchuna cherukunna Nissabdam Andamga Chedirevela theeram cherina aanandanni thana tharagala tharangini nruthyamthoo mathramee chusi tharangam mayamavuthundendukani? Naa Kalalaki Katha Vasthuva Neekelaa Cheppanu? Nee mungurula kadalikaloo naaku prapancham kanapaduthundani! Nee Kanureppala chappullaloo naaku Vedam vinapaduthundani! kikiki |
   
Okeokkadu
Comedian Username: Okeokkadu
Post Number: 1191 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 76.183.52.76
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 02:43 pm: |
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Anand_n:There is no coherent line of thought in the verse - seems like words strung together randomly
Telugu kavitha ki sambandhinchi ide cheppalanukunna Der ! But malli feel avuthavemo ani tone down chesa. ee type kavithalu mamuluga inter kurrodu kottaga lovelo padinappudu rasthadu. nee intelelctual range inka peddadi ani I strongly believe (even though I don't agree with those topics) so ilaanti kavithalu kakundaa inka kottaga rayi. leda ilanti kavithalne kottaga raayocchu. nee kavithaloni bhavanni inko rakamga elaa rayoccho ikkada raasaa chudu. nenasalu gurthunnanaa ani nuvvu gunde talupu taati prasnisthuntaav ganee cheekati tera venaka merupu meristhe nuvve gurtosthav nee navvu gurtosthundaa..bhumi talli kotta chivuru molakesinnatha aanandam sankranti muggu soyagamlaa nuvvu padmasanam veskuniuntav na gundegadapalo selayeti parugulloni enkipata la nee palukeppuduu mounaganam chesthune untundi. aadipranava nadam la nityam nee aalochana ventaaduthune untundi. ayinaa ninneppudu marchipoyaanu ganuka malli malli gurthu cheskodaniki ? same concept ni inka improvise cheyocchu..inkaa abstractga rayocchu..of course evari saili valladi.. there is no hard and fast rule ani neekuu telsu. |
   
Anand_n
Side Hero Username: Anand_n
Post Number: 6763 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 167.24.104.150
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:36 pm: |
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Der_schuler:LWA, Anand, coke , kamla , mallik...etc etc....suggest a name....and post ur critique...as in did you read through the depth of the sonnet
I don't normally critique poetry - because I am only interested in the soul, do not care much about the technique and structure... The emotional content in your initial poem is very good..to me that is all that counts in poetry... However, if you seriously want to write for others to read, you will need to watch your technique and grammar, for e.g. the tense is inconsistent in the first stanza...if you write for yourself you don't have to care about all that ...
Der_schuler:ittifaq ki barsaat ayi lekar ye mann ki ajeeb begaani tipthi boondhon mein bhi khushi paye, haye iski naadhani baarish ki gharaz mein dhhonde unke muskhurahat khi parchaayi ishq ki zor mein,jannath ke sab zarre unki un se ghani....
Meeku hindi sarigga raadu anukunta ... There is no coherent line of thought in the verse - seems like words strung together randomly - and I do not think Tipthi is a word aa chal ke tujhe main leke chalu ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho,bas pyaar hi pyaar pale |
   
Ishan
Comedian Username: Ishan
Post Number: 1951 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 128.249.96.11
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 12:50 pm: |
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Der_schuler:paravallu tokke nadhi....captures both the earthly beauty and the heavenly beauty alike...so danni Ananda bhairavi tho polchanu....
thammi raagam anedi shabdhaniki sambandhinchindi kada...anduke "jeeva nadhula Parugula savvaDilonchi puttina anandha bhairavi neevu " ante elaaguntadi? edichi mokam kadukkunnate undi anukunte lite teesko. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yeGK88_5T4
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Annavaram
Side Hero Username: Annavaram
Post Number: 2088 Registered: 12-2006 Posted From: 71.97.14.213
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 12:10 pm: |
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Rebel:I went to Golconda I saw a Goonda Sitting on a Honda Drinking a kobbari Bonda I threw a Banda He showed his Kanda I ran like Thonda His name is Konda!
inchukinchi ilaative, ee thread lo nunchi jump aipodaaam itaantivi inko rendu isthe manalni rendu peekuthaaru |
   
Rebel
Side Hero Username: Rebel
Post Number: 6510 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 151.151.7.54
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 12:08 pm: |
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Annavaram:ana range ki yamaleela lo chelli ki pelli type poems thappa artham kaavu
Ilantiva ? I went to Golconda I saw a Goonda Sitting on a Honda Drinking a kobbari Bonda I threw a Banda He showed his Kanda I ran like Thonda His name is Konda! |
   
Annavaram
Side Hero Username: Annavaram
Post Number: 2087 Registered: 12-2006 Posted From: 71.97.14.213
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 12:06 pm: |
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mukka artham aithe seppuicchukuni kotteyandi mana range ki yamaleela lo chelli ki pelli type poems thappa artham kaavu  |
   
Cocanada
Moderator Username: Cocanada
Post Number: 16452 Registered: 01-2008
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 11:57 am: |
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Okeokkadu:
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGX-360Pzbg[7:45-7:50] |
   
Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8123 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 130.36.62.142
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 11:54 am: |
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Jp_rocks:gr8 comments by u in this thread
I would like to tell the same  |
   
Jp_rocks
Side Hero Username: Jp_rocks
Post Number: 3201 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 167.83.101.22
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 11:39 am: |
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Okeokkadu:Inthakee.. ee poem evari gurinchi ? ammayenaa ?
yes ammayeee.. gr8 comments by u in this thread  |
   
Okeokkadu
Comedian Username: Okeokkadu
Post Number: 1141 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 76.183.52.76
Rating:  Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 11:23 am: |
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Der_schuler:Hela ane padha manaki...oka verb ga telusu kadha...as in oka nruthyam...typelo...but hela ane padhaniki......Bhoodevi ki maaru roopu ani kooda ardham undhi...naaku telisi...( correct me if I am wrong)....yes it is sanskrit but the very prominent usage of that word figures in Nannaya's prose..... Hela ane padhanni endhuku kartheeka masam tho qualify chesa ante....konni schools of thought...lo.....purudu...kotha srushtiki ela moolam ga cheptharo alane...purudu tarvatha....mangalam snanam cheyistharu..symbolizoing a new life as a mother..... Kartheeka masam...mangalakaramaina masam kadha.....so verasi............. pudami thalli puriti noppula nundi puttina mangala maina hela...(anaga..transitive third person/ and beauty)....... ila anukuni rasanu.... I agree with most of ur points...velugu.....slip of gaurd.....will post more in a while...work calls
---------------------------------- hEla ane padaniki Bhudevi maru rupu ane ardham ledu. nijaniki hEla ante vodalu maimarachi , vivasamto, parvasamtho chese nrutyam. Daanni karteekam ane 'pavithra masam' to qualify chesekanna 'vasantham' to qualify chesi unte inkaa sogasuga undedi ani na feeling. NAAKU TELUGU KAVITHA RAYADAM IDHE PRADHAMAM....ee nalugu lines mathrame....MY FIRST ATTEMPT.....naaku pedhaga pravesam ledhu..and I can't say I am a master at telugu.... ------------------------- Good first attempt. Here are my 2 cents. Kavithvam "chikkagA" undAli. aa chikkadanam words valla kaakundaa bhavam valla rappinchadaniki prayathnam cheyaali. I will post more about that aspect. Inthakee.. ee poem evari gurinchi ? ammayenaa ? |
   
Okeokkadu
Comedian Username: Okeokkadu
Post Number: 1140 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 76.183.52.76
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 11:12 am: |
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Der_schuler:paravallu tokke nadhi....captures both the earthly beauty and the heavenly beauty alike...so danni Ananda bhairavi tho polchanu....
OK..if it is "Ananda Bhairavi" it's fine. It was spelt "Anand Bharavi" in your poem(typo). Hence the confusion |
   
Bushu
Junior Artist Username: Bushu
Post Number: 457 Registered: 04-2009 Posted From: 12.30.230.138
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 10:36 am: |
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Der_schuler:
name your sonnet - 'it'  |
   
Bhikhu
Side Hero Username: Bhikhu
Post Number: 5288 Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 148.129.71.52
Rating:  Votes: 3 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 10:05 am: |
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civil tamud inta gyanam ettukunnav..ni level ki aa posts avasarama.. |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3638 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 09:35 am: |
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Okeokkadu:jeeva nadhula parugu vampula puttina anandha bharavi neevu" Bharavi ani ye contextlo vaadaavu ikkada ? ardham kaaledu naku.
OK deeniki boldantha depth undhi.....Ananda Bhairavi raagam melakartha srushti tarvatha around 18th century went through a lot of changes..by syama sastry, one of the trinity..Ananda Bhairavi..is atypical of the ragamalikas as in it has a very heavy contribution of yesteryear's folk tones...and as syama sastry puts it.. "This raaga is as earthly as the human and as non human as the gods"...an apparent paradox...what he meant was...it can be sung....to make it sound as divine as a divine chant and can be made to sound as earhtly as the common man's whistle... paravallu tokke nadhi....captures both the earthly beauty and the heavenly beauty alike...so danni Ananda bhairavi tho polchanu.... |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3636 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 09:20 am: |
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Okeokkadu:Basicga "puriti noppiloni kaarteeka hela" ane pada prayogam enduko naaku ardham kaaledu. Do you have a specific meaning to it ? Puriti neppulu oka kotta srushtiki symbolic ani neeku telsu. andulo kaarteeka hela kanna kuudaa vasanta hela untundi.
Hela ane padha manaki...oka verb ga telusu kadha...as in oka nruthyam...typelo...but hela ane padhaniki......Bhoodevi ki maaru roopu ani kooda ardham undhi...naaku telisi...( correct me if I am wrong)....yes it is sanskrit but the very prominent usage of that word figures in Nannaya's prose..... Hela ane padhanni endhuku kartheeka masam tho qualify chesa ante....konni schools of thought...lo.....purudu...kotha srushtiki ela moolam ga cheptharo alane...purudu tarvatha....mangalam snanam cheyistharu..symbolizoing a new life as a mother..... Kartheeka masam...mangalakaramaina masam kadha.....so verasi............. pudami thalli puriti noppula nundi puttina mangala maina hela...(anaga..transitive third person/ and beauty)....... ila anukuni rasanu.... NAAKU TELUGU KAVITHA RAYADAM IDHE PRADHAMAM....ee nalugu lines mathrame....MY FIRST ATTEMPT.....naaku pedhaga pravesam ledhu..and I can't say I am a master at telugu.... I agree with most of ur points...velugu.....slip of gaurd.....will post more in a while...work calls |
   
Okeokkadu
Comedian Username: Okeokkadu
Post Number: 1136 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 76.183.52.76
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:52 am: |
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Zulu:Nakinko Edava doubt undi Curry ane English word ki root word enti? Kadi ani punjabi lo antaru..but that sounds more like a punjabisized english word.. Telugu lo koora antaru..like thotakoora..palakoora etc.. So..curry telugu loki vochinda? Koora English loki vellinda?..thelisthe cheppandi.
Curry English word ayye chance ledane anukuntunnaa. Yendukante aa 'vanta' vallaki ledu ganuka. Ika Punjabi/Telugullo nundi velle chances ekkuva undocchu. I am not sure about this word though. |
   
Zulu
Side Hero Username: Zulu
Post Number: 2770 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 66.68.181.197
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:43 am: |
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Okeokkadu:
Nakinko Edava doubt undi Curry ane English word ki root word enti? Kadi ani punjabi lo antaru..but that sounds more like a punjabisized english word.. Telugu lo koora antaru..like thotakoora..palakoora etc.. So..curry telugu loki vochinda? Koora English loki vellinda?..thelisthe cheppandi. Maathru bhasha vegataipoyina mudanastapu jathi manadhi
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Okeokkadu
Comedian Username: Okeokkadu
Post Number: 1135 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 76.183.52.76
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:38 am: |
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Zulu:Okeokkadu: Pudami talli - puriti neppulu- ee accha telugu maata vaadina tarvatha suddengaa high-sanskrit words like "Karteeka Hela" vaadithe pada/akshara ramyatha lopisthundi. "pudami talli puriti neppiloni kotta chuvuru/chiguru neevu"..this kind of sound will produce more 'ramyatha' Okeokkadu: e) Closing ledu poem ki. something like "inninti tho polchaanu ganee, nijaniki naa aakhari vuupiri neevu " or " innenduku, naa bathuku deepanivi, naa gunde naadanivi neevu" Nakee rendu points chaala nachayi ..meeru emanna poems rasunte post cheyyandi. Thanks!
----------------------------------------- Thanks bro, idi varaku ilaanti poems raasevadni..soundarya aaradhana typelo...when I was young like these guys. I guess these two must be below 30. :-) Ippudu baagaa abstractga raasthunnaa..will post one now. let me pull it out. |
   
Okeokkadu
Comedian Username: Okeokkadu
Post Number: 1133 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 76.183.52.76
Rating:  Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:34 am: |
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Mario_puzo:oh my gawd, kasta paddanu.....evarikanna nachite continue setta... naa chetanaachetana anthah chetanallo, tanu bimbamai pravahistondi,aa devi ni oka maatu kalisina gnyapakapu aasarato! aa nallati gatapu poralani pratighatinchalane tapana lo, naa rakta naalaallo sindhura chaitanymaindi avyaktunni, sahanam leni asahaayudini
--------------------------------------------- Bro, here are my cents. Sorry for taking the liberty to write this critique. Antah chethana ante 'the subconcious' . Daniki plural word ledu - naa antah chethanalu ane usage badulu naa antah chethana ante saripothundi. secondline lo 'bimbamayi pravahisthondi" annaav. Pravahisthondi ane padaaniki oka dhaaTi undi. ventane jnapakapu "aasaraa" anagane aa dhaTi chacchipothundi. paraspara viruddha pada prayogam adi. next "aa devini okamaru kalisina " ani subject ni open chesesaav. "devi" ani cheppakapothe ..inkaa baguntadi. totalga aa line ni this kind of dhaaTi to rasthe baguntadani na opinion. tanu bimbamai pravahistondi, tana jnapakala voddulni vadi vadiga oruskuntuu " or tanu bimbamai pravahistondi, tana jnapakala sudula alajadi reputhuu " c) "gatapu poralani pratighatinchalane tapana lo" gatamu sanskrit word bro. Pora anedi accha telugu. ee rendinti madhya samasam ledu. "Gatam poralni" will be apt. d) sindhura chaitanyam ayindi evaru ? aa ammayaa ? aame jnapakamaa ? naku ardham kaledu. Once again sorry for taking this liberty. |
   
Zulu
Side Hero Username: Zulu
Post Number: 2768 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 66.68.181.197
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:32 am: |
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Okeokkadu:Pudami talli - puriti neppulu- ee accha telugu maata vaadina tarvatha suddengaa high-sanskrit words like "Karteeka Hela" vaadithe pada/akshara ramyatha lopisthundi. "pudami talli puriti neppiloni kotta chuvuru/chiguru neevu"..this kind of sound will produce more 'ramyatha'
Okeokkadu:e) Closing ledu poem ki. something like "inninti tho polchaanu ganee, nijaniki naa aakhari vuupiri neevu " or " innenduku, naa bathuku deepanivi, naa gunde naadanivi neevu"
Nakee rendu points chaala nachayi ..meeru emanna poems rasunte post cheyyandi. Thanks! Maathru bhasha vegataipoyina mudanastapu jathi manadhi
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Eluri_kurradu
Side Hero Username: Eluri_kurradu
Post Number: 7941 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 173.30.2.223
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:24 am: |
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Okeokkadu:
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Okeokkadu
Comedian Username: Okeokkadu
Post Number: 1132 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 76.183.52.76
Rating:  Votes: 8 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 - 01:21 am: |
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Der , You may not like me posting in your thread. But it's an extraordinary sonnet to go through. I do not have the calibre to crtique an English sonnet, but here are afew thoughts about your telugu poem. "niseedhi terala anchuna ponchi unna kanthi rekavu neevu pudami talli puriti noppiloni kartheeka hela neevu sankarathri velugu muggula soyagala virupu neevu jeeva nadhula parugu vampula puttina anandha bharavi neevu prakruthi kantha jilugu velugula adhi manthram neevu" Concept bagane undi..enchukunna padaalu kuuda baagane unnayi..but totalga kavita nee sonnet 'sthayi' lo ledu. Padaalu perchadam kaakundaa..try to put your emotion in Telugu just as you did in the sonnet. a) Kavitaki 'ettugada' undaali. aa ettugada chala strikng ga undaali. chala genericga start chesthe telipothundi. b) Akshara ramyatha ante telise untundi neeku. Pudami talli - puriti neppulu- ee accha telugu maata vaadina tarvatha suddengaa high-sanskrit words like "Karteeka Hela" vaadithe pada/akshara ramyatha lopisthundi. "pudami talli puriti neppiloni kotta chuvuru/chiguru neevu"..this kind of sound will produce more 'ramyatha' Basicga "puriti noppiloni kaarteeka hela" ane pada prayogam enduko naaku ardham kaaledu. Do you have a specific meaning to it ? Puriti neppulu oka kotta srushtiki symbolic ani neeku telsu. andulo kaarteeka hela kanna kuudaa vasanta hela untundi. c)Velugu ane word two times repeat ayindi. "sankarathri velugu muggula soyagala virupu neevu ". Indulo velugu avasaram ledemo anipinchindi. inko word padithe inkaa apt ga undocchu anukuntunna. just my personal preference. d)" jeeva nadhula parugu vampula puttina anandha bharavi neevu" Bharavi ani ye contextlo vaadaavu ikkada ? ardham kaaledu naku. e) Closing ledu poem ki. something like "inninti tho polchaanu ganee, nijaniki naa aakhari vuupiri neevu " or " innenduku, naa bathuku deepanivi, naa gunde naadanivi neevu" This kind of closing line will make the impact longlasting.Look at the closing of your English sonnet. That's the impact that I am talking about. Sorry for taking the liberty to write this critique on your poem. Just felt like suggesting these pointers. |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3632 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 11:18 pm: |
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Mario_puzo:
adurs anthe..bhavam close ga undhi....motham depth ni capture cehyyaka poina....path correct |
   
Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8098 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 71.239.184.202
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 11:14 pm: |
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Der_schuler:chavu tarvatha eti seyyali bore kadha anukuntunna...kiki
der annai .. neeku cheppe antati vaadini kaanu .. neeku/naaku/evariki bore kottadu chavu taravata enduko telusa .. ee video choodu .. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1x7cGwRdds |
   
Mario_puzo
Comedian Username: Mario_puzo
Post Number: 1929 Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 98.244.92.80
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 11:09 pm: |
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btw, naa previous post attempt to translate his first post's first stanza |
   
Mario_puzo
Comedian Username: Mario_puzo
Post Number: 1928 Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 98.244.92.80
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 11:06 pm: |
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Der_schuler:
oh my gawd, kasta paddanu.....evarikanna nachite continue setta... naa chetanaachetana anthah chetanallo, tanu bimbamai pravahistondi,aa devi ni oka maatu kalisina gnyapakapu aasarato! aa nallati gatapu poralani pratighatinchalane tapana lo, naa rakta naalaallo sindhura chaitanymaindi avyaktunni, sahanam leni asahaayudini |
   
All_mix
Moderator Username: All_mix
Post Number: 9234 Registered: 02-2009
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:59 pm: |
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Der_schuler:chavu tarvatha eti seyyali bore kadha anukuntunna...kiki
adi nora drainage aa...nasty der.. baava cheppina satyam
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Ishan
Comedian Username: Ishan
Post Number: 1942 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.90.235.198
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:55 pm: |
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Neel:
sister meerenaa kotha Admin? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yeGK88_5T4
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Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3629 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:54 pm: |
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All_mix:eti sestunnar
chavu tarvatha eti seyyali bore kadha anukuntunna...kiki |
   
Cocanada
Moderator Username: Cocanada
Post Number: 16416 Registered: 01-2008
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:51 pm: |
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Neel:vanta ayyinda special enti ee roju
dal aatta sambar noodles  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGX-360Pzbg[7:45-7:50] |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3628 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:51 pm: |
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Neel:
bavunnara...intlo andharu bavunnara |
   
Cocanada
Moderator Username: Cocanada
Post Number: 16415 Registered: 01-2008
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:51 pm: |
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Der thammudu vaade words chadivinappudu "naaku english raadaaa" anipinchinappudu manasu lo ragile alajadi vi neevu http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGX-360Pzbg[7:45-7:50] |
   
Neel
Side Hero Username: Neel
Post Number: 4829 Registered: 07-2008 Posted From: 75.57.175.90
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:47 pm: |
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Cocanada:telugu lo cheppinaaa pooorti ga ardham avatledu naaku
vanta ayyinda special enti ee roju |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3626 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating:  Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:45 pm: |
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niseedhi terala anchuna ponchi unna kanthi rekavu neevu pudami talli puriti noppiloni kartheeka hela neevu sankarathri velugu muggula soyagala virupu neevu jeeva nadhula parugu vampula puttina anandha bharavi neevu prakruthi kantha jilugu velugula adhi manthram neevu this is for Mixer, coka, kamala, mav, Jp, OT, LWA...MS, ishan anna....andharu 10 mins attindhi |
   
Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8095 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 71.239.184.202
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:38 pm: |
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Der_schuler:nee kosame kamla....ur all my friends..naaku unna kodhi talent lo vachindhi seppa...tappulunte elca post antinchu ikkada podhunna ford ki vesindhi
thanks a lot .. seriously .. meelo chaala manchi kavi unnadu .. mee tho oka sitting veyyali .. to know how to transform ideas into poems .. babu .. meeru pakkana oka thread lo oka manchi video ni miss avutunnaru .. plzz .. koddiga choosi opinion cheppachu kada .. |
   
All_mix
Moderator Username: All_mix
Post Number: 9229 Registered: 02-2009
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:38 pm: |
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Der_schuler:dorling ettunnav
eti sestunnar baava cheppina satyam
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Ishan
Comedian Username: Ishan
Post Number: 1939 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.90.235.198
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:37 pm: |
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Der thammi naa matti burra ki idi thattindi...kotha gaa kaaka chettha gaa unte sorry. "A Sojourn Forever" .... telugu la ayithe "Manasantha Nuvve" correct  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yeGK88_5T4
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Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3625 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:36 pm: |
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All_mix:
dorling ettunnav |
   
All_mix
Moderator Username: All_mix
Post Number: 9228 Registered: 02-2009
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:36 pm: |
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Cocanada:deeni tho kotti sampeyyandi nannu
aa sadavakasanni naaku kalpinchu...ninnu disappoint seyyanu  baava cheppina satyam
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All_mix
Moderator Username: All_mix
Post Number: 9227 Registered: 02-2009
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:35 pm: |
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Kamal:taravata enduku .. munde vesuko .. naadem poyindi .. 
aaa...aaa...anni chustunna... baava cheppina satyam
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Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3624 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:34 pm: |
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Kamal:
nee kosame kamla....ur all my friends..naaku unna kodhi talent lo vachindhi seppa...tappulunte elca post antinchu ikkada podhunna ford ki vesindhi |
   
Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8093 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 71.239.184.202
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:32 pm: |
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Der_schuler:ishq ki zor mein,jannath ke sab zarre unki uns se ghani....
wah .. wah .. wah waah .. bahut khoob .. bahut khoob .. |
   
Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8092 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 71.239.184.202
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:31 pm: |
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Der_schuler:Chiranjeevi tarvatha maname antava!!!!
taravata enduku .. munde vesuko .. naadem poyindi ..  |
   
Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8091 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 71.239.184.202
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:30 pm: |
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Jalsa:kamal bro, koncham explain chestava pls
explain ante emundi bro .. he is explaining how he is missing the girl who he loved like his own .. how he is experiencing the pain of the loss .. vocabulary nenu kooda answers.com use chesukuni ardam chesukunna .. edanna line ardam kakapothe particular ga adagandi .. will try to explain .. |
   
Cocanada
Moderator Username: Cocanada
Post Number: 16413 Registered: 01-2008
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:30 pm: |
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deeni tho kotti sampeyyandi nannu telugu lo cheppinaaa pooorti ga ardham avatledu naaku http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGX-360Pzbg[7:45-7:50] |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3623 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:29 pm: |
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ittifaq ki barsaat ayi lekar ye mann ki ajeeb begaani tipthi boondhon mein bhi khushi paye, haye iski naadhani baarish ki gharaz mein dhhonde unke muskhurahat khi parchaayi ishq ki zor mein,jannath ke sab zarre unki uns se ghani.... srothalu esp Kamal kosam and also for Mav, coke and Mixer....took me 6 mins |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3622 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:28 pm: |
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Kamal:
ittifaq ki barsaat ayi lekar ye mann ki ajeeb begaani tipthi boondhon mein bhi khushi paye, haye iski naadhani baarish ki gharaz mein dhhonde unke muskhurahat khi parchaayi ishq ki zor mein,jannath ke sab zarre unki un se ghani.... srothalu esp Kamal kosam and also for Mav, coke and Mixer....took me 6 mins |
   
Mental_sachinodu
Side Hero Username: Mental_sachinodu
Post Number: 2454 Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 63.161.147.10
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:15 pm: |
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Der bro, very good one... i had to look up the meaning of some words. glad to see you back here. the world of appearances may or may not be real, or both may and may not be real - or may be indescribable; or may be real and indescribable, or unreal and indescribable; or in the end may be read and unreal and indescribable - its all Syadvada |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3621 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:13 pm: |
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tatparyam: ee kavitha main agenda is to put a heart as a third person and explain how it feels when it encounters a thought in the head. so aa abstraction gurthu unchukondi.... First Stanza: Naa vooha vahini chede puriti noppullo eppudu oke alochana janisthu untundhi....oka alochana vachi vellipoyaka....vere alochana vache munupu...unde aa chinna vyavadhili....naa mashtikamlo janiyinche oohe aame....deeni visadhikaristhe...nenu ye pani chesthunna...naa hruyadantharangamlo....aame smruthule annattu.....aa vooha oka mruga trushna..endhukante adhi ooha mathrame...nijam kaa jaaladhu...aa katuvaina nijam i.e thana swasalo nigudamai thanatho nadiche ooha thana deggara ledhu ane baadhanu diga mingukuni....thana ooha puttinappudalla.....aa manasu aa vooha yokka smruthikai vethukuladutundhi...even though it is fearful of the fact that it is not with it....aa ooha yokka gnapakalu ravadhani entha varinchina....entha nigraham pradarsinchina...aame naa swashalo anuvanuvuna...milithamai undhi..... |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3620 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 68.46.187.214
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 10:06 pm: |
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Kamal: kavita llo as usual .. you rock .. very very well written
Chiranjeevi tarvatha maname antava!!!!
 |
   
Jalsa
Hero Username: Jalsa
Post Number: 10089 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 69.115.29.189
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:55 pm: |
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Kamal:
kamal bro, koncham explain chestava pls |
   
Ruj
Junior Artist Username: Ruj
Post Number: 795 Registered: 03-2007 Posted From: 24.118.242.233
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:41 pm: |
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Kamal
Side Hero Username: Kamal
Post Number: 8081 Registered: 08-2009 Posted From: 71.239.184.202
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:40 pm: |
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The lost heaven ! kavita llo as usual .. you rock .. very very well written .. I could connect to it almost instantaneously ! |
   
Cocanada
Moderator Username: Cocanada
Post Number: 16412 Registered: 01-2008
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:39 pm: |
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Jp_rocks:excellent der...full of life
naaku offline lo meaning cheptava please? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGX-360Pzbg[7:45-7:50] |
   
Jalsa
Hero Username: Jalsa
Post Number: 10080 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 69.115.29.189
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:36 pm: |
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okka mukka ardham kaledhu |
   
Jp_rocks
Side Hero Username: Jp_rocks
Post Number: 3198 Registered: 06-2009 Posted From: 67.175.21.168
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:35 pm: |
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excellent der...full of life how abt "Etched, Forever and a Day" or just "Forever and a day" |
   
Maverick
Hero Username: Maverick
Post Number: 12716 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 24.1.171.91
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:11 pm: |
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Faded Rainbow |
   
Cocanada
Moderator Username: Cocanada
Post Number: 16408 Registered: 01-2008
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:07 pm: |
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Der thammudu nuvvu opening quotes "" and closing quotes sarigga etti malli post cheyyi neeku punyam untadhi http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGX-360Pzbg[7:45-7:50] |
   
Lionswalkalone
Side Hero Username: Lionswalkalone
Post Number: 7450 Registered: 03-2009 Posted From: 38.105.86.201
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 09:00 pm: |
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Der_schuler: Name suggest cheyyavoi....
In Remembrance |
   
All_mix
Moderator Username: All_mix
Post Number: 9225 Registered: 02-2009
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 08:55 pm: |
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as usual...mixie gadiki mukka kuda ardham kaala... baava cheppina satyam
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Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3618 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 08:44 pm: |
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Lionswalkalone:
Name suggest cheyyavoi....and what did you make out of this as a summary...nenu kavitha samputi achu cheyisthe neeku honorable mention and part of royalty..kiki |
   
Lionswalkalone
Side Hero Username: Lionswalkalone
Post Number: 7443 Registered: 03-2009 Posted From: 38.105.86.201
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 08:08 pm: |
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Der..Baagundi well written |
   
Bmw007
Side Hero Username: Bmw007
Post Number: 5475 Registered: 10-2008 Posted From: 216.113.168.128
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 08:03 pm: |
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Der_schuler:
Bro how are you..Good to see you back in the DB Jai Visala Andhra Jai Jai Visala Andhra One Telugu One State Jai Raj Gopal Jai Jai Raj Gopal Jai Jagan Jai Jai Jagan Jai Chiru Jai Jai Chiru Jai Uma Jai Jai Sunitha
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Cocanada
Moderator Username: Cocanada
Post Number: 16407 Registered: 01-2008
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 07:41 pm: |
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vanta chesi ochi chaduvutaa undu ekkadiki ellakunda http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGX-360Pzbg[7:45-7:50] |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3617 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 07:41 pm: |
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LWA, Anand, coke , kamla , mallik...etc etc....suggest a name....and post ur critique...as in did you read through the depth of the sonnet |
   
Pulpfiction
Hero Username: Pulpfiction
Post Number: 10104 Registered: 02-2009 Posted From: 171.68.90.56
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 07:41 pm: |
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der thammud h r u Life is a marathon.Keep Moving. |
   
Der_schuler
Side Hero Username: Der_schuler
Post Number: 3615 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 148.159.160.51
Rating: N/A Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 - 07:40 pm: |
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Through the fissure of my thought, it sped the mirage of an angel that I once met daring the past, trips through every ounce of my blood my defenses like a pinball, fell, as at every synapse, it fret. fazed and lost, my heart followed the path it led the traipse through the withered woods, by the winter, lain wet nonchalant and barren stood my hope, with its life bled parched like a corpse under the drizzle of the tears, it met peering through the moist stretch, my deep set eyes, they said "ye cometh back to where you and a great despair met On its knees, with an intoned whisper, like the breath of the dead it said,"buried yonder lain my life's mirth, in its jarring dulcet The only mirth that every breath of mine ever wanted because the meaning of my life, in its very gut rests...it rests... by Quantummorphed |