| Author | Message | ||
Calypso Junior Artist Username: Calypso Post Number: 45 Registered: 11-2009 Posted From: 203.5.192.229 Rating: N/A |
Beautifully written. It's gut wrenching to read .. but can't resist to finish rading.. I liked the first version more than the second one.. I dint get the feel when the statement is spelt out.. but it's my opinion..  You have a beautiful way with words and though sometimes my opinion differs on your movie reviews I like your writing style ... keep up the wonderful work.. | ||
Anand_n Hero Username: Anand_n Post Number: 17293 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 72.179.185.115 Rating: N/A |
Cool...thanks for answering the Qn.. Mine was not a dream, not yet reconciled in my head  The olive branch was good, gave a fatalistic/ karmic note if that was what you intended you will have to change the part about father lowering the son into the grave as well - you had so many references it would have been simpler to changed the first reference to don and daughter in law Little Pandey would be more consistent then too - not that the SIL could not have been a Pandey too ...The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet : James Oppenheim | ||
Bithiri_satti Junior Artist Username: Bithiri_satti Post Number: 30 Registered: 03-2016 Posted From: 27.6.112.66 Rating: N/A |
Platy annai you picked the wrong profession ani na feeling | ||
Maverick Legend Username: Maverick Post Number: 61290 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 183.83.111.73 Rating: N/A |
 em raasav..loved it..you should write a bookHappy Vizag | ||
Platypus Side Hero Username: Platypus Post Number: 4229 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 94.15.86.121 Rating: N/A |
You had a question on the Tirumala blog post. Well, I had recurring dreams of various versions of essentially the same idea - A guardian angel tries to talk sense into us and then disappears. I just used that basic idea and a few of my own way of interpreting God into that story. Nice to know you liked it (You remembered it )TMTM - Thittaalannaa Meme, Thittinchukovaalannaa Meme | ||
Platypus Side Hero Username: Platypus Post Number: 4228 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 94.15.86.121 Rating: N/A |
Damn! You are right. I will fix it. Thank you.
I too liked the previous version. I intentionally kept it vague in the first version. But people started interpreting it in a different way bringing dreaming etc. So I had to make it a little explicit. However, I did like the way the second version could tie the deer and the olive branch to the old man's destiny. Now I can put this on my Medium blog I guess TMTM - Thittaalannaa Meme, Thittinchukovaalannaa Meme | ||
Anand_n Hero Username: Anand_n Post Number: 17289 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 72.179.185.115 Rating: N/A |
Liked it better without the give away statements of old man being hit and run - but I guess it confused others . I did not catch the discrepancy of son and SIL .. The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet : James Oppenheim | ||
Saint Legend Username: Saint Post Number: 62407 Registered: 01-2011 Posted From: 107.77.89.112 Rating: N/A |
Now u got it right though again u mentioned his son is driving the car instead ofhis SIL. | ||
Platypus Side Hero Username: Platypus Post Number: 4227 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 94.15.86.121 Rating: N/A |
Version 2 Olive Branch It was a freak accident on the highway. The deer managed to cross barely the first two lanes of the road before the car hit it at 80 miles an hour. Five lives were lost in an instant, including the deer. That was how Christmas began for Makarand Pandey in 2015. He woke up to the news of his wife, his daughter, his son-in-law and his one and only grandson dying in a horrific car crash. He fainted before he could learn about the deer that died. He stopped briefly at the gate. He had been coming to the cemetery once a month - on the 24th to clean up the four tombs. The burial ground at Bansilalpet was a small one and had lost most of its ground to encroachments over the years. Many an apartment complex had been constructed on the bones of the dead. Two hours after learning about the tragedy, Makarand Pandey, had to choose a cemetery. Time was running out. Real estate in the city was scarce and costly. Finding those six feet of space underground per person was a challenge. People told him that his options mainly were Ambarpet and then Bansilalpet. People of his faith usually preferred Ambarpet because the Bansilal cemetery adjoins the cemetery of another religion. Even in death, some hard lines were drawn. He was angry with himself. He was angry with everyone. He wanted to kill them all. "Bansilalpet" He declared. He walked slowly across the tombs and found his four covered in dust and leaves. A dog was sleeping on his grandson's tomb. Two kids from the nearby slums were playing on his son. He wanted to shout "Get lost you fools". The hardest thing for any father to do is to lower the body of his son into a freshly dug grave and then climb out of it. The priest chants something and declares that the grave is ready to be closed. Then they ask the father to take a fistful of mud and drop it on the face. Makarand Pandey had seen quite a few hardships in his 65 years of existence. Nothing came even close to what he had felt when he released the scoop of mud into the grave. He ran away from there. Out of the cemetery. Into the concrete jungle. His brother was trying to catch him. They were all worried. They thought Pandey was making a dash to the nearby Hussain Sagar lake to jump into it. He had no such ideas. He had no ideas at all. His mind was completely blank. He just couldn't handle the finality of the situation. "Just release the mud. End of story. End of Nishaant Pandey in your life. You would never again see his face." That was a bit too much for the old man to digest. The cemetery was dirty. However, thanks to a slum that was housed inside the cemetery, the surroundings were relatively neat. The slum dwellers had a set of toilets constructed on the northern boundary. So there was no public defecation. Thank God for the small mercies, he thought and looked at the bucket in his hand. "I will get you water". One of the kids playing on the tomb jumped off. Before he could say yes or no, the bucket was in front of him full of water. The second kid looked at the old man, "Thatha, should I clean the tombs?". Pandey nodded. The kid whistled and in no time there were fifteen kids - all furiously cleaning the tombs. Within minutes, the tombs were as good as new. The dog had duly been dispatched to unknown territories. Pandey smiled and took his purse out. "No cash. Chocolates?" one of the kids asked him. It made sense. Even if he gave them cash, they would just give it to their parents. He walked to the nearest grocery stores and bought a bunch of chocolates and cookies. Then he started distributing them. By the time he was done, he had served at least a hundred kids. The undertaker appeared from nowhere suddenly. "Get the hell out of here. Don't make the tombs dirty" he shouted and the children disappeared quickly. "Don't worry sir jee. Your family is my responsibility. I will ensure they rest in peace." He said. Pandey nodded. "See you next month sir" the undertaker said. They are not there. That's just some cement, concrete and granite. His family is not inside those tombs. They are not anywhere else too. They died. Plain and simple truth. They ceased to exist. They have not gone to a better place. They have not crossed to the other side. They simply are dead. Makarand Pandey started walking towards his car. He was not a religious person. He did not believe in God. He wasn't one of those who believed in a supreme force above everything but argued against giving that force a name or a personality. He wanted scientific proof for everything. If something could not be proved, it didn't exist in his point of view. It was crushing him though. Those who believed in God, had something to fall back on during crises such as this. They had the option of clinging onto the olive branch extended by God. Makarand Pandey had no such luck. He had to deal with the situation all by himself - all alone. No God or religion to his rescue. For the first time in his life, he envied the believers. He wanted badly to go be able to go to a temple and pray for inner peace. His brother was wailing - "Oh God, he was only three years old. Why would you take him out? What did he do to you?" The kid looked as if he were sleeping peacefully. The doctors managed to present him properly to the grieving family. No such luck for the other three though. They were badly mutilated and had to be completely wrapped in cloth. Pandey closed his eyes. He wanted to die that instant. No such luck though. His sister was crying, "Remember the four pigeon babies that we had to get rid of from your bathroom. We kept them under a tree in the garden. All of them died. This is God's way of extracting revenge." Pandey burst out laughing. "God takes revenge? What kind of God is he?" There was a loud horn. Pandey came back to his senses. He was in the middle of the road. He could see a deer too trying to negotiate the traffic on the road. He apologized to the driver and hurriedly crossed to the other side. His car was parked there. As he approached the car, he sensed something was weird. He turned around and saw the deer. It was on the other side of the road. He had never seen a deer astray on the roads inside the city. It was looking squarely at him. And then he realized it was not just the deer, which was weird. "Hi Dad" His daughter called, "Get in. Let us go for a drive". Makarand Pandey stopped dead in his tracks. He could see his son-in-law in the driver seat and his daughter in the navigator seat. Little Pandey was playing in the car seat. His wife was seated next to the kid. He knew this couldn't be real. If it can't be proved, it can't be real. But he could see them in flesh and probably blood. They felt so real. He slowly walked to the car and got into the back seat. His son started the car and tried to wade through a big traffic jam. "Looks like a hit and run dad." He said, "An old man. May his soul rest in peace." Makarand Pandey mumbled. "May his soul rest in peace. Let us go." He looked back at the deer. It was happy just standing there and staring at him. "Thanks for the olive branch" he mouthed. They drove into the sunset. The End. TMTM - Thittaalannaa Meme, Thittinchukovaalannaa Meme | ||
Thikka_sankara Megastar Username: Thikka_sankara Post Number: 28478 Registered: 02-2012 Posted From: 106.208.116.59 Rating: N/A |
Oka 2 months work lo baaga busy ga unde....ippudu malli free  We may have been born too late to explore the world, and born too early to explore space, but we can destroy the work of the former and prevent the dreams of the latter. ~~ SOMEBODY ON INTERNET | ||
Platypus Side Hero Username: Platypus Post Number: 4223 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 94.15.86.121 Rating: N/A |
Ee ending adhi kaadu. There is no dream. TMTM - Thittaalannaa Meme, Thittinchukovaalannaa Meme | ||
Raman Legend Username: Raman Post Number: 44558 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 183.83.49.159 Rating: N/A |
oka 1 month kanapadaledu ippudu eppudubadite appudu | ||
Thikka_sankara Megastar Username: Thikka_sankara Post Number: 28477 Registered: 02-2012 Posted From: 106.208.116.59 Rating: N/A |
led yy?? We may have been born too late to explore the world, and born too early to explore space, but we can destroy the work of the former and prevent the dreams of the latter. ~~ SOMEBODY ON INTERNET | ||
Raman Legend Username: Raman Post Number: 44556 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 183.83.49.159 Rating: N/A |
us trip esava? | ||
Thikka_sankara Megastar Username: Thikka_sankara Post Number: 28476 Registered: 02-2012 Posted From: 106.208.116.59 Rating: N/A |
 Leaving them a side, good narration..... But one advice in general.... Chivariki all this is just a dream/imagination lanti endings in general went out of fashion (too many and over done too much, esp in short movies) so, alanti endings avoid cheyyandi if possible.... Anyway, just observations.... Thank you We may have been born too late to explore the world, and born too early to explore space, but we can destroy the work of the former and prevent the dreams of the latter. ~~ SOMEBODY ON INTERNET | ||
Platypus Side Hero Username: Platypus Post Number: 4222 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 94.15.86.121 Rating: N/A |
Avi mistakes yeh. I posted it without proofreading. Will correct them. Thanks for pointing them out. TMTM - Thittaalannaa Meme, Thittinchukovaalannaa Meme | ||
Thikka_sankara Megastar Username: Thikka_sankara Post Number: 28467 Registered: 02-2012 Posted From: 106.208.228.140 Rating: N/A |
still a mistake.... referring to pandey (as he).... cannot be referring to pandey's brother's wife.... We may have been born too late to explore the world, and born too early to explore space, but we can destroy the work of the former and prevent the dreams of the latter. ~~ SOMEBODY ON INTERNET | ||
Raman Legend Username: Raman Post Number: 44550 Registered: 01-2009 Posted From: 49.207.184.25 Rating: N/A |
http://www.jainworld.com/literature/story25.htm | ||
Darth_vader Side Hero Username: Darth_vader Post Number: 7774 Registered: 12-2006 Posted From: 122.175.21.211 Rating: N/A |
that was pandey ji bros' wife. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. | ||
Thikka_sankara Megastar Username: Thikka_sankara Post Number: 28466 Registered: 02-2012 Posted From: 106.208.228.140 Rating: N/A |
I don't think so, that is him just waking up from a dream.... But that's at just level 1, he need to jump off a clip, lie down on a train track and survive a plane crash and then set his totem spinning to see if there are any more levels he need to wake up from We may have been born too late to explore the world, and born too early to explore space, but we can destroy the work of the former and prevent the dreams of the latter. ~~ SOMEBODY ON INTERNET | ||
Bharateeyudu Side Hero Username: Bharateeyudu Post Number: 2379 Registered: 03-2016 Posted From: 117.195.231.61 Rating: N/A |
loud horn sound tho...telivi vachindi... | ||
Thikka_sankara Megastar Username: Thikka_sankara Post Number: 28465 Registered: 02-2012 Posted From: 106.208.228.140 Rating: N/A |
right, so when is he going to wake up?? We may have been born too late to explore the world, and born too early to explore space, but we can destroy the work of the former and prevent the dreams of the latter. ~~ SOMEBODY ON INTERNET | ||
Bharateeyudu Side Hero Username: Bharateeyudu Post Number: 2378 Registered: 03-2016 Posted From: 117.195.231.61 Rating: N/A |
by the way platy annai..chaala baa raasavu...nuvvu inkedo story kudaa start chesi aapesaavu prologue tho..enduku continue cheyyaledu... | ||
Bharateeyudu Side Hero Username: Bharateeyudu Post Number: 2376 Registered: 03-2016 Posted From: 117.195.231.61 Rating: N/A |
thats how dreams work kadhaa... | ||
Thikka_sankara Megastar Username: Thikka_sankara Post Number: 28464 Registered: 02-2012 Posted From: 106.208.228.140 Rating: N/A |
annai few questions.... so wife too died?? then, is this a mistake?? Assuming wife dead, you could have made makarand ponder about that loss too.... We may have been born too late to explore the world, and born too early to explore space, but we can destroy the work of the former and prevent the dreams of the latter. ~~ SOMEBODY ON INTERNET | ||
Sannayi_nokkulu Side Hero Username: Sannayi_nokkulu Post Number: 9196 Registered: 06-2014 Posted From: 68.100.234.172 Rating: N/A |
maa lanti nishani batch gallaki eti artham avutayi annai sachipotava , avineethi ga batukutava okkate option ante alochinchakunda chachipotaa ane type cbn - OT | ||
Saint Legend Username: Saint Post Number: 62378 Registered: 01-2011 Posted From: 98.156.0.52 Rating: N/A |
Enti mastarji intha confusing ra rasaru? Daughter / sil pothe son vasthe namma leka potam enti? | ||
Anand_n Hero Username: Anand_n Post Number: 17284 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 72.179.185.115 Rating: N/A |
Have you tried writing fantasy? You may not feel limited by experiences with that genre... And thanks for the compliment. BTW, you remember the story you wrote about the disappearing act in the tirumala queue.. Was that a real exp ? I ask because I have had a similar one , and I still wonder if I am making it up The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet : James Oppenheim | ||
Platypus Side Hero Username: Platypus Post Number: 4221 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 94.15.86.121 Rating: N/A |
Anand - thank you! Been out of touch for a very long time and this is my attempt to get back to writing short fiction. I chose a relatively easy genre - heavily inspired by my own experiences. But I have always had this shortcoming. I can't write about things I haven't experienced myself. Yes, I remember you telling me about the LRMB post on IBDB. I am a huge fan of your posts as well.TMTM - Thittaalannaa Meme, Thittinchukovaalannaa Meme | ||
Anand_n Hero Username: Anand_n Post Number: 17281 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 72.179.185.115 Rating: N/A |
Gut wrenching  It feels insensitive to say it is beautifully and poignantly written, but it is... Have always been a fan of your writing , don't know if I ever told you , but it was your post on why chiru should not remake LRMB that made me sign up in IBDB just to tell you how much I enjoyed reading it Keep writing !The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet : James Oppenheim | ||
Platypus Side Hero Username: Platypus Post Number: 4220 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 94.15.86.121 Rating: N/A |
It was a freak accident on the highway. The deer managed to cross the first two lanes of the road before the car hit it at 80 miles an hour. Five lives lost in an instant, including the deer. That was how Christmas began for Makarand Pandey in 2015. He woke up to the news of his wife, his daughter, his son-in-law and his one and only grandson dying in a horrific car crash. He fainted before he could learn about the deer that died. He stopped briefly at the gate. He had been coming to the cemetery once a month - on the 24th to clean up the four tombs. The burial ground at Bansilalpet was a small one and had lost most of its ground to encroachments over the years. Many an apartment complex had been constructed on the bones of the dead. Two hours after hearing about the tragedy, Makarand Pandey, had to choose a cemetery. Time was running out. Real estate in the city was scarce and costly. Finding those six feet of space underground per person was a challenge. People told him that his options mainly were Ambarpet and then Bansilalpet. People of his faith preferred Ambarpet because the Bansilal cemetery adjoins the cemetery of another religion. He was angry with himself. He was angry with everyone. He wanted to kill them all. "Bansilalpet" He declared. He walked slowly across the tombs and found his four covered in dust and leaves. A dog was sleeping on his grandson's tomb. Two kids from the nearby slums were playing on his son. He wanted to shout "Get lost you fools". The hardest thing for any father to do is to lower the body of his son into a freshly dug grave and then climb out of it. The priest chants something and declares that the grave is ready to be closed. Then they the father to take a fistful of mud and drop on the face. Makarand Pandey had seen quite a few hardships in his 65 years of existence. Nothing came even close to what he had felt when he released the scoop of mud into the grave. He ran away from there. Out of the cemetery. Into the concrete jungle. His brother was trying to catch him. They were all worried. They thought Pandey was making a dash to Hussain Sagar to jump into it. He had no such ideas. He had no ideas at all. His mind was completely blank. He just couldn't handle the finality of the situation. "Just release the mud. End of story. End of Nishaant Pandey in your life. You would never again see his face." That was a bit too much for the old man to digest. The cemetery was dirty. However, thanks to a slum that was housed inside the cemetery, the surroundings were relatively neat. The slum dwellers had a set of toilets constructed on the northern boundary. So there was no public defecation. Thank God for the small mercies, he thought and looked at the bucket in his hand. "I will get you water". One of the kids playing on the tomb jumped off. Before he could say yes or no, the bucket was in front of him full of water. The second kid looked at the old man, "Thatha, should I clean the tombs?". Pandey nodded. The kid whistled and in no time there were fifteen kids - all furiously cleaning the tombs. Within minutes, the tombs were as good as new. The dog had duly been dispatched to unknown territories. Pandey smiled and took his purse out. "No cash. Chocolates?" one of the kids asked him. It made sense. Even if he gave them cash, they would just give it to their parents. He walked to the nearest grocery stores and bought a bunch of chocolates and cookies. Then he started distributing them. By the time he was done, he had served at least a hundred kids. The undertaker appeared from nowhere suddenly. "Get the hell out of here. Don't make the tombs dirty" he shouted and the children disappeared quickly. "Don't worry sir jee. Your family is my responsibility. I will ensure they rest in peace." He said. Pandey nodded. "See you next month sir" the undertaker said. They are not there. That's just some cement, concrete and granite. His family is not inside those tombs. They are not anywhere else too. They died. Plain and simple truth. They ceased to exist. They have not gone to a better place. They have not crossed to the other side. They simply are dead. Makarand Pandey started walking towards his car. He was not a religious person. He did not believe in God. He wasn't one of those who believed in a supreme force above everything but argued against giving that force a name or a personality. He wanted scientific proof for everything. If something could not be proved, it didn't exist in his point of view. It was crushing him though. Those who believed in God, had Him to fall back on during crises such as this. They had the option of clinging onto the olive branch extended by God. Makarand Pandey had no such luck. He had to deal with the situation himself - all alone. No God or religion to the rescue. For the first time in his life, he envied the believers. He wanted badly to go be able to go to a temple and pray and attain inner peace. His brother was wailing - "Oh God, he was only three years old. Why would you take him out? What did he do to you?" The kid looked as if he were sleeping peacefully. The doctors managed to present him properly to the grieving family. No such luck for the other three though. They were badly mutilated and had to be completely wrapped in cloth. Pandey closed his eyes. He wanted to die that instant. No such luck though. His wife was crying, "Remember the four pigeon babies that we had to get rid of from our bathroom. We kept them under a tree in the garden. All of them died. This is God's way of extracting revenge." Pandey burst out laughing. "God takes revenge? What kind of God is he?" There was a loud horn. Pandey came back to his senses. He was in the middle of the road. He could see a deer too trying to negotiate the traffic on the road. He apologized to the driver and hurriedly crossed to the other side. His car was parked there. As he approached the car, he sensed something was weird. "Hi Dad" His son called, "Get in. Let us go for a drive". Makarand Pandey stopped in his tracks. He could see his son in the driver seat and the daughter in law in the navigator seat. Little Pandey was playing in the car seat. He knew this couldn't be real. If it can't be proved, it can't be real. But he could see them in flesh and probably blood. They felt so real. He slowly walked to the car and got into the back seat. His son started the car and tried to wade through a big traffic jam. "Looks like a hit and run dad." He said. Makarand Pandey agreed. "Right. A hit and run probably. Let us go." He looked back at the deer. It was happy just standing there and observing the tombs. They drove into the sunset. The End. TMTM - Thittaalannaa Meme, Thittinchukovaalannaa Meme |