| Author | Message | ||
     Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2860 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: N/A |
It is going to be a herculean task for a novice like me to write something which can make you scratch your head  But i will try sometime  If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Anand_n Side Hero Username: Anand_n Post Number: 4768 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 68.206.110.236 Rating: N/A |
Love stories and such do not have to be logical.. but when you write suspense/thrillers you are looking at a different audience - who likes solving puzzles and mysteries...and they are very analytical When you do reveal the suspense at the end , the reader will run back thru all the previous clues to see if they click and fit together ..so you need to be very cautious about the details and the logic  Even if one statement contradicts the ending you leave the reader feeling that the story was not wellthought out... Keep writing aa chal ke tujhe main leke chalu ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho,bas pyaar hi pyaar pale | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2858 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 98.221.99.83 Rating: N/A |
Thanks for the feedback. It means a lot to me. I thought about the ghost's capability to escape through window. But geetha doesn't realize that she is a ghost May be bad logic Alaa ani nenu atheist laa story raasthe, story thread ekkadiko vellipotundi emo ani doubt If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Jalsa Side Hero Username: Jalsa Post Number: 6037 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 69.115.29.189 Rating: N/A |
Chanipoyina ammayi room ni bayata nunchi lock chesesaaru anukunta as a memory. First lo Madhuri, last lo Geetha ani pettadam confuse chesindhi. | ||
| Anand_n Side Hero Username: Anand_n Post Number: 4763 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 68.206.110.236 Rating: N/A |
Very well narrated as usual - good climax... Only disconnect was the begining ...Geetha knows she is a ghost, so the first post does not connect - she could be watching the events as a ghost but "being locked in her room " does not make sense literally or metaphorically - did I miss something ? Couple minor things though The use of 2 names - Geeta and Madhuri is not warranted as it is a self reference in both places. Language and localion mismatch already point out chesaru janaalu... You write very well - keep refining these little things to improve further - db is great place to get feedback like this P.S: Kani meeru ila suprstitions propagate cheyyatam bagoledu - black cat etc. aa chal ke tujhe main leke chalu ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho,bas pyaar hi pyaar pale | ||
| Simhadri Side Hero Username: Simhadri Post Number: 4147 Registered: 04-2009 Posted From: 74.232.12.71 Rating: N/A |
ledu story antha bagundi..kakapothe oka village nunchi vachanu kabatti....who is it honey ane line choosesariki...oka rakamayina feeling vachindi....anthe.. Ntr_Fan - pandu Simhadri - Laddu | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2855 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 98.221.99.83 Rating: N/A |
 Thanks !! Thanks for the explanation. Climax nachindi meeku okkate anukunta Thank you everyone for the feedback. If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Guttonkay Comedian Username: Guttonkay Post Number: 1037 Registered: 05-2008 Posted From: 137.254.4.9 Rating: N/A |
Her feet were facing opposite direction. ------------------------------------------------ lmao. That is so funny. Nice writeup. | ||
| Desparado Junior Artist Username: Desparado Post Number: 146 Registered: 02-2009 Posted From: 71.52.1.32 Rating: N/A |
RGV ki isthe ee story ki part2 kuda theesthadu  good one!! | ||
| One Hero Username: One Post Number: 12690 Registered: 09-2008 Posted From: 193.200.150.137 Rating: N/A |
haaa..kasta padi chadiva mama...bagundi.. | ||
| Humpty_dumpty Side Hero Username: Humpty_dumpty Post Number: 2636 Registered: 02-2009 Posted From: 98.231.138.194 Rating: N/A |
hyder...baa gundhi story...but mee last story antha std ledhu...last one was good( the one which i read)...so expectation ekkuva ikkada.... u r lucky man...haffy gaa kathal septhaav...pilla ayina pillal kee ayina Why so Serious? | ||
| Simhadri Side Hero Username: Simhadri Post Number: 4129 Registered: 04-2009 Posted From: 74.232.12.71 Rating: N/A |
who is on the line ani adagalsina avasaram enti..phone chesindi evaramma ante saripotundi kada.. Ntr_Fan - pandu Simhadri - Laddu | ||
| Simhadri Side Hero Username: Simhadri Post Number: 4128 Registered: 04-2009 Posted From: 74.232.12.71 Rating: N/A |
andaru chanipotaru accident lo..fisrt room lo unnadi geetha athma...inti mundu janalu pogu avtaru..accident varta vini..vall afther edustu untadu..ardham ayyinda? Ntr_Fan - pandu Simhadri - Laddu | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2854 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 98.221.99.83 Rating: N/A |
Naaku ade anipinchindi... kaani "Who is on the line Bujjamma?" ante bavodu ani alaa decide chesaa If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Proline Side Hero Username: Proline Post Number: 3276 Registered: 06-2008 Posted From: 69.250.69.37 Rating: N/A |
i did not get it.. nenu sariga chadava ledha.. asalu ending ento cheppi punyam kattukondi..  ... | ||
| Simhadri Side Hero Username: Simhadri Post Number: 4126 Registered: 04-2009 Posted From: 74.232.12.71 Rating: N/A |
Oh avuna..My bad..nenu miss ayya aa part... Ntr_Fan - pandu Simhadri - Laddu | ||
| Simhapuri_kurrodu Junior Artist Username: Simhapuri_kurrodu Post Number: 781 Registered: 07-2008 Posted From: 76.109.181.73 Rating: N/A |
bhupati garu oxford educated anta  | ||
| Simhadri Side Hero Username: Simhadri Post Number: 4124 Registered: 04-2009 Posted From: 74.232.12.71 Rating: N/A |
ending adirindi..kaani village backdrop etti...english lo dailogues raste ..nativity ki deggaraga undadu..My 2cents.. Ntr_Fan - pandu Simhadri - Laddu | ||
| Simhadri Side Hero Username: Simhadri Post Number: 4123 Registered: 04-2009 Posted From: 74.232.12.71 Rating: N/A |
 Ntr_Fan - pandu Simhadri - Laddu | ||
| Lionswalkalone Side Hero Username: Lionswalkalone Post Number: 2483 Registered: 03-2009 Posted From: 75.209.182.124 Rating: N/A |
Katte kotte theche ani moodu mukkallo cheppakunda intha long story naa?? naa valla kaadu...  | ||
| Secondcup Junior Artist Username: Secondcup Post Number: 349 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 199.74.155.50 Rating: N/A |
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| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2853 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: |
She was lost in the thoughts of wedding when she was abruptly brought back in to this world with a deafening horn from a truck. She quickly moved aside in the last second as the truck guy mercilessly went ahead in wrong direction. It took couple of minutes to settle down. Just when her pulse rate was coming to normal... She let out a shrieking scream. Ahhhh.... She was terrified. Everyone in the care woke up this time. "What happened?" asked Vivek She couldn't answer. She was shell shocked. It took few minutes for her speak out. "I saw a young lady in the rear view mirror. She was about my age. She was standing on the middle of the road. She was in terrible state. Her left hand was cut in half. There was a irod rod that went through her skull. She was bleeding through her mouth. Her clothes were torn. And her feet were facing otherway" "Are you telling me that, you saw a Ghost?" asked her brother. Madhuri couldn't answer. There was something disturbing about her face. She couldn't cleary see who it was. But it felt like a very well known face. There was too much blood on her face to recognize. "Ghosts doesn't exist" said Vivek irritating this time. Vivek asked Madhuri to pull over to the side to take the wheel. It was still raining heavily. After an hour, they entered the Grave yard. Madhuri was in deep sleep by then. Vivek was looking at her calm and innocent face and didn't see the big tree which was lying on the road. BOOM !! -------------------------------------------------- ---------------- Geetha slowly turned to her left. Her left had was missing. Then she touched her head with shivering hands. There felt something like a irod rod. She was terrified. She took a deep breath and looked down. Her feet were facing opposite direction. She understood. Tears dropped by her cheeks. THE END !! If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2852 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: N/A |
She wanted to divert her concentration on to something else. She looked at the wedding card that was lying on the dashboard. A nice wedding card with Vinayaka picture on top read: Vivek WEDS Geetha Madhuri If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2851 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: |
It was raining all the way to Kakinada. Madhuri made sure to remind Vivek to drive slow every 20 minutes. By the time they reached the town it was already late evening. They tried to finish shopping as quickly as possible. "Why don't we go out for a quick dinner?" proposed Vivek. "No, we should go home soon. It is already late" said Madhuri's brother. "I am starving.." announced Madhuri. They went to a restaurant near by and ordered food quickly. Vivek madhuri's brother ordered couple of drinks to celebrate. "Vivek, you shouldn't be drinking now... as you need to drive back home" warned madhuri. "Just couple of drinks won't her. I am a good driver trust me" he assured her. Two drinks turned in to four. And four became 8 in no time despite Madhuri and her sister's warning's. By the time they walked out of the restaurant, it was raining heavily. It was 9 PM already. Madhuri looked at Vivek and her brother. Both of them were clearly not in a position to drive.. especially in that weather. And she remembered the black cat. Bad omen she thought. "Vivek, give me the keys. I will drive" announced Madhuri. She snatched the keys from him and walked to the car before he could answer. She started driving slowly once she got on to the highway. Heavy rain is slowly turned in to a violent thunder storm. Visibility reduced to few hundred feet. She could hardly see any vehicle from the distance. Couple of trucks came from no where and almost brushed her car. She was terrified. She took a deep breath to relieve some stress. And then lowered the gear and held on to the wheel strongly. A sense of trepidation was building inside her. Car was skidding every few minutes. It was becoming very difficult to keep the car on the road. She glanced at others in the car. All of them were sleeping. She looked at her watch. It was 11:10 PM. There is no way she can reach home before midnight. And the thought of passing through grave yard in the middle of the night sent a chill up her spine. If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Secondcup Junior Artist Username: Secondcup Post Number: 348 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 199.74.155.50 Rating: N/A |
finish cheyyu babbo..malla memu waiting cheyyali, refresh kodatha page ni. west coast lo vunnamu kada chadavataniki. | ||
| Nanigadu Side Hero Username: Nanigadu Post Number: 3128 Registered: 02-2008 Posted From: 204.92.92.4 Rating: N/A |
nenu vunna nayanamma When you point a fingre at some body remember that there are three fingers pointing at you and one finger pointing at God | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2850 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: N/A |
I thought no one was reading If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Humpty_dumpty Side Hero Username: Humpty_dumpty Post Number: 2635 Registered: 02-2009 Posted From: 38.117.247.14 Rating: N/A |
old lady...black cat...8 grahalu in sky...one asteriod...sher khan , magadheera.... hyder...complete seyyi amma waiting ikkada Why so Serious? | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2849 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: |
Vivek and his family reached Ramachandrapuram few hours later that day. Bhupathi and family welcomed them to their house. Vivek quickly glanced through the house for the sight of Madhuri. But she was nowhere to be seen. He was little disappointed. He had hoped that, she would be there to welcome him. He was getting ready to ask them about Madhuri when he heard a giggling sound. Madhuri and her friends finally came down to meet Vivek and family. Vivek didn't want to waste any more time. He turned to Bhupathi and asked "Uncle, Can i take Madhuri out for few hours for shopping?" Everyone got shocked by hearing his request as it was still a taboo to ask the girl out before wedding in that village. "What kind of shopping will you do in our village son?" asked Bhupathi. "I want to take her to the nearby town. Kakinada, right?" "You want to take her out of the village?" exclaimed one old lady from behind. And there were lot of murmurs from behind. Vivek cursed himself for not talking to Bhupathi in advance. "But as per our tradition, we don't send the girl outside the village when the wedding is around the corner" explained Bhupathi. But he can understand Vivek's request as he was brought up in Delhi. It's all right uncle, "I just thought of buying her a special gift. But that's ok" Bhupathi felt bad that he couldn't accept Vivek's request. He had no problem. But then he had to answer many elder people at home. Madhuri came to Vivek's rescue. She called her dad aside and proposed "Dad, what if I take the sister along with me? Would that be fine?" "That's a good idea. But not just your sister as 3 people shouldn't go out. Take your brother as well" "Fine with me" answered excited Madhuri. Bhupathi came back and explained the same to everyone. Old lady in the corner was still not pleased. She questioned "Bhupathi, are you out of your mind? How could you send the bride out of the village? She has to cross the grave yard while coming into the village. Did you forget that?" "That's why I am sending her brother along with her" answered Bhupathi. "Did you forget what happened 2 years ago? Her brother was there that time also. And he couldn't save your brother's sister from..." old lady broke in to tears. Bhupathi understood that there is no way he will be able to convince her. But he didn' want to disappoint Vivek. He knew about him and his family very well. So he asked Madhuri and Vivek to join him in his study room. He explained to them that, "As I said, you guys silently go out and come back before night. It is dangerous to cross the graveyard in the night". Both nodded their heads in unison. Just before leaving the room Bhupathi asked Vivek "Do you believe in Ghosts?" Vivek smiled and said "No uncle. I don't believe in Ghosts because they simply don't exist" Bhupathi didn't want to argue. "Honey, don't forget to take your sister and brother with you" After some time, four of them silently slipped out of the house. When they were crossing the main gate, a black cat crossed the road just in front of them. No one noticed it except for Madhuri. She didn't like the sign. But she kept quite. If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Movieanalyst Comedian Username: Movieanalyst Post Number: 1212 Registered: 03-2008 Posted From: 117.193.172.173 Rating: |
nenu saturday chaduvutha.. | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2848 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: |
24 hours ago... It has been raining cats and dogs from last two days in Ramachandrapuram. Everyone in the village was very happy as the monsoon arrived on time this year. But there was one person who cursed the rain, Bhupathi Naidu. He would have been might happy for the timely rains at any other time but his daughter's wedding was only 2 days away. He turned ON the radio in the hope of hearing some good news from Weatherman. "Thunderstorms with heavy winds are expected in next 48-72 hours" announced weatherman. Naidu crashed in to a chair with a big sigh. Tring... Tring...Tring... Tring... Tring...Tring... phone rang loudly from inside the house. Bhupathi jumped to his feet and rushed inside as he could guess it as a long distance call. But he was too late. His lovely daughter Madhuri rushed in from kitchen with lightening speed and beat him. She also guessed it right. Must be a call from Vizag. Bhupathi asked her "Who is it honey?" Madhuri's face turned RED with blushing. Bhupathi got the answer. He smiled at her and went into his room. "When are you guys starting from there?" asked Madhuri. "In an hour. Can't wait to see you" Vivek replied excitedly. "Drive Safe. Don't drive like you do in Delhi. Highways are dangerous over here" warned Madhuri. If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you | ||
| Mrhyderabad Side Hero Username: Mrhyderabad Post Number: 2847 Registered: 01-2008 Posted From: 167.230.38.118 Rating: |
Geetha startled from the sleep when someone screamed from the ground floor. She could hear the multiple shrieking voices from the down below. She quickly glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 13 minutes past the midnight. Her intuition said something bad happened. She tried to look through the window but it was all hurly burly. She tried to open the door the bedroom door but it didn't open. She was confused. Was it locked from outside? Why would anyone lock me in? She called out for the servant twice but she knew that no can could possibly hear her voice amid all the commotion. She went to the other side of the room tried to look through the window facing the street. There were many people who assembled in front of the house. Her suspicion was doubling by every passing minute. She could see her dad for a fraction of second through the window. Someone was talking to him. Tears were rolling down his eyes. What is everyone in the house is crying when the wedding is only few hours away? Something terrible must have happened. But she couldn't guess what might that be. Finally, Geetha heard someone approaching her room... If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you |
