| Author | Message | ||
     Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 690 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: |
Four surgeons and Anna Hazare are discussing who were the best patients to operate on at the AIIMS . The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.' The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.' The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.' But Anna Hazare shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate upon. They have no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable' Just then the Ward boy who was around turned and asked Anna Hazare: "If that is so, why did you go on a hunger strike? To show all stupid INDIANS that these only two moving parts do not move in you???  | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 689 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: |
A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?' Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'. Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'. A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?' Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'. Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'. A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies. Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?' The boy asks, 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' Laughing, Gramps replies, 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass'. The little boy replies, 'Then go •••• yourself '. Grandma made these for me'. | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 688 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: |
Each Friday night after work, Mr. Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Mr. Singh and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardar attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic." Singh's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Singh's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Singh, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised a chicken and you were raised a lamb, but now you are a potato and tomato"..!!!! The Priest fainted........ | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 687 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: |
Goan fairy tales begin with the couple getting married. Read on: A young Goan couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband from Assolna, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go up to Connie's bar and relax with his old buddies. So, he said to his wife, "Honey,I'll be right back." "Where are you going, coochy cooch?" asked the wife. "I'm going to Connie's place, darling. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my moga?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him a dozen different kinds of beer -Kingfisher, Belo, Sandpiper, Arlem...name it she had it! The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lollypop...but at Connie's...you know...they have frozen beer mugs!â He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, morgada?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at Connies they have those little snacks that are really delicious. You know patties and croquets and cutlets and small cheurisam.... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want snacks, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But my sweet honey... at Connie's... you know...there are swearing, and dirty words, galleio and all that..." "You want dirty words, gallieo? "LISTEN UP, FODRICHEA! DRINK YOUR F*****G BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR F*****G SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! SOZMOLO! BARO?" MAI ZAUNACHYA...... | ||
| Telugu_times Moderator Username: Telugu_times Post Number: 25570 Registered: 02-2008 Rating: N/A |
old sardarji joke.... oka sardarji, bike meedha friend tho velthuntaadu. edhurugaa inkoka bike vasthuntundhi. Sardarji tells his friend that he is gonna scare the other bike guy with a sharp cut. he does the cut and scares the guy. After a while...he notices a car coming from the opposite direction and the sardarji tells his friend "Look, 2 bikers are coming...I will go in between them and scare both of them". He goes in between those 2 lights of the car and the car hits the sardarji's bike and the sardarji falls down unconscious. His frined admits sardarji in the hospital. Next day, he gets his consciousness and the doctor asks sardarji...what happened? Sardarji says...."Last night, I was going in between 2 bikers to scare them, but there was a third idiot, who was riding a bike in between them without a light" | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 686 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: N/A |
Lungi essay nachaledaaaaaa Chuss deenemmaaa. Maaa senior citizen Anglo Indian Friend 83 year old who is a source of all these jokes will die andi. He will die. He felt this is the best. | ||
| Jupiter Side Hero Username: Jupiter Post Number: 4385 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 59.92.172.199 Rating: N/A |
ROFL ... Maa cinema collection ATHYADHIKA kotlu .. maave genuince collections | ||
| Jupiter Side Hero Username: Jupiter Post Number: 4384 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 59.92.172.199 Rating: N/A |
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED! Denemma GEM of a joke ...  Maa cinema collection ATHYADHIKA kotlu .. maave genuince collections | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 681 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: |
long live the mallus - even Banta Singh can't match this...!!!!!!! The (H)umble Lungi! Profound is the word, for such is the glory of the tunic.. They forgot to add the fact that this is the only one cloth which outlives and outsmarts jeans (a capitalistic symbol!) -- 1) washing unheard of ----------saves water and reduces global warming 2) versatility------ less clothes required------ saves money. 3) societal integration------- beggars and millionaires look alike ! and it goes on and on and on---------------- Just as the national bird of Kerala is the Mosquito, her national dress is 'Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in 'loo' and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern. 'Mundu' is the white variant of the lungi and is worn on special occasions like hartal or bandh days,weddings and Onam. The lungi is simple and 'down to earth' like the Mallu himself. It represents the beginning and the end of evolution in its category. Wearing something on the top half of your body is optional when you are wearing a lungi. The lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a one-size-fits-all-bottoms for Keralites-----Oops, I mean Mallus. The technique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to generation through word of mouth, just like the British Constitution. If you think it is an easy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires techniques like breath control and yoga which are a notch higher than than the sudarshan kriya of you-know-who. A lungi/mundu when perfectly worn won't come off even in a quake of 8 on the richter scale- this has been verified in experiments conducted at Kerala University. A lungi is not attached to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro. It's a bit of Mallu magic whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca Cola recipe. A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A 'Full Mast' lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the dead. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages. A major disadvantage is when a dog runs after you. When you are wearing a lungi/mundu at full mast, the advantage is mainly for the female onlookers who are spared the ordeal of swooning at the sight of hairy legs. Wearing a lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like those C grade movie starlets.A Mallu can play cricket, football or simbly run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A Mallu can even climb a coconut tree wearing lungi in half mast."It's not good manners, especially for ladies from decent families,to look up at a Mallu climbing a coconut tree"- said Confucius (or is it Abdul Kalam, I wonder!!) Most Mallus do the traditional dance kudiyattam. Kudi means drinking alcohol and yattam, spelt as "aattam", means random movement of the body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink, there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake legs" says Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after watching 'kudiyaattam' . The 'Lungi Wearing Mallu Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO which works towards the 'upliftment' of the lungi, strongly disapproves of the GenNext tendency of wearing Bermuda under the lungi. Wearing a Bermuda under the lungi is a conspiracy hatched by the CIA. It's a disgrace to see a person wearing Bermuda with corporate logos under his lungi. What they don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of movement and expression. A Mallu wears lungi round the year,any weather,any season. A Mallu celebrates winter by wearing a colourful lungi with a floral pattern. The lungi provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs. From here we may rightfully and logically conclude that a Mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the world. A lungi/mundu is very versatile. It can be worn during the day, and can double up as a blanket at night. It can also be used as a swing, swimwear, sleeping bag, parachute, face mask (especially while entering/exiting toddy shops),shopping basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers. We are not done yet. It also has recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling',a pastime in households having more than one male member. Lungi pulling competitions are held outside toddy and arrack shops all over Kerala during Onam and Vishu. When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they become table cloths. Thus the humble lungi is a cradle-to-grave appendage. | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 680 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: N/A |
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments. He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be". The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!" | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 678 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: N/A |
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 677 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 203.109.110.165 Rating: |
One day in a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds⦠âI'll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Then a Jewish boy put his hand up and said "David", The Buddhist boy said "Gautama Buddha" and the Muslim boy said "Mohammed". They all were not successful. Finally, a Gujju boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Nilesh, come up here and I'll give you the 10 pounds that I promised." As the teacher was giving Nilesh his money, she said, "You know Nilesh, since you're a Hindu Gujarati; I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Nilesh replied, "Yes. In my heart I knew it was Krishna, but Bijness is Bijness!!!!!!â | ||
| Hero Username: Twitter Post Number: 14462 Registered: 10-2009 Posted From: 69.126.242.15 Rating: N/A |
some new jokes  | ||
| Padmasri Side Hero Username: Padmasri Post Number: 2055 Registered: 10-2011 Posted From: 67.159.5.242 Rating: N/A |
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| Ustad Side Hero Username: Ustad Post Number: 6943 Registered: 07-2008 Posted From: 76.173.42.79 Rating: N/A |
 Fan of Fab 5: Sachin, Rahul, Saurav, Laxman and Kumble. | ||
| Blackmamba Side Hero Username: Blackmamba Post Number: 8322 Registered: 05-2010 Posted From: 68.200.78.90 Rating: N/A |
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| Shikari Side Hero Username: Shikari Post Number: 6174 Registered: 03-2010 Posted From: 183.82.187.70 Rating: N/A |
https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-5JdkjYUocjY/TvhZxmtPwQI/A AAAAAAAA4s/sVFpFaUuPJ0/w340/1321640933_shovel_brick_prank.gi f http://x.co/bgEg http://x.co/bgEb http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXfXghRxy9M http://x.co/bgEk | ||
| Nice Comedian Username: Nice Post Number: 1422 Registered: 05-2009 Posted From: 122.164.45.146 Rating: N/A |
Awesome ante awesome. Iraga unnayi. Thanks for sharing | ||
| ~chirutha~ Junior Artist Username: ~chirutha~ Post Number: 45 Registered: 10-2011 Posted From: 91.103.42.50 Rating: N/A |
Awesome   - Vendithera Mahanatudu Chiru abhimani | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 668 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 219.91.239.189 Rating: |
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground today and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off. Then Aunt Jane ..." At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Let's save the rest of it for supper time. I really want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story again. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss. Then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off. Then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs." Mommy fainted. Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut the hell up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!!! | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 667 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 219.91.239.189 Rating: |
Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband. "Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours! The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman. Before Marriage and After Marriage. My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences. He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't. Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet. Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out. Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women? Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild, But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car... A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years. The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You. "The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife." Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, "Still Searching`. A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?" Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing...Husband: "MISSING YOU"... A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It." The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?" The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me." The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?" The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know." The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?" The Man Said "Yes" The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison" THOUGHT FOR THE DAY... Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to and touched often. But push the wrong button and you're disconnected...... Difference Between Complete & Finish... People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED! Romantic SMS Romantic...SMS She sends the following message: My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams If you're smiling, send me your smile If you're crying, send me your tears I love you He Replied: I'm in the toilet. What do I send? | ||
| Muddamandaram Junior Artist Username: Muddamandaram Post Number: 666 Registered: 05-2011 Posted From: 219.91.239.189 Rating: |
SYSTEM ERROR!!! A women is having sex with her lover in an apartment 20 stories high. Suddenly her husband returns from a long trip, and she hears him approaching in the apartment, So she tells the lover: "do not move at all. I will resolve this situation!" Comes the husband: "who is this?" asked the husband Wife: "oh sweetie. this is jus a robot I bought to have sex with when you are not around, so that I don't have to cheat with your friends or with the neighbours. I did it because you spend all the time travelling and you know that I........uuuhhm.... have needs!!" Husband: "oh honey I understand perfectly well. I believe you. Ok let's do a quickie now, I came home as fast as I can and I'm extremely ••••• now!!" Wife: " OH NO DARLLING. yesterday I got my period. you better take a bath, I'll prepare something to eat - so long" The lover is left with the husband in the room alone, while the wife walked out. Husband: "Damn I'm so ••••••• •••••... I am going to •••• this robot instead.." he tries entering the robot from his behind. With a metallic and robotic voice the lover proclaims : "SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE!!. SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE!!" The husband says: "•••• this crappy robot. I'm going to throw it out of the god damn window!!" the lover realises that he's 20 stories high in the apartment and exclaims: "SOFTWARE UPDATE!!!! SOFTWARE UPDATE!!!! You MAY TRY AGAIN. I REPEAT. TRY AGAIN!!!" |
