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     Ashton Hero Username: Ashton Post Number: 13625 Registered: 05-2008 Posted From: 205.234.140.219 Rating: |
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2071127/Bankers-1-61 5-word-email-woman-didnt-back.html#ixzz1ftrak49Y MIKE'S EMAIL TO LAUREN IN FULL (OR, WHAT NOT TO DO AFTER A BAD FIRST DATE) Hi Lauren, Iâm disappointed in you. Iâm disappointed that I havenât gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages. FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people canât see someoneâs body language or tone of voice in an email. Iâm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. Iâm honest and direct by nature, and Iâm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a Google search, so thatâs how I came across your email. I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you. Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following: - You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a Google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. Iâve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didnât look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness. - We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, Iâve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you. - You said, 'It was nice to meet you' at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isnât interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she saidâthat it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive. - We had a nice conversation over dinner. I donât think Iâm being delusional in saying this statement. In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. Itâs bad to do that. Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I donât go out again after a first date. However, in our case, Iâm curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, itâs difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages). I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we donât, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you donât want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldnât want to go again. Normally, I wouldnât ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential. If you donât want to go again, then apparently you didnât think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. Itâs good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date. If youâre not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadnât given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. Iâll name a few things: First, weâve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom Iâm in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldnât be seriously involved with a woman if she didnât like classical music. You said that youâre planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future. As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. Youâre very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldnât take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, youâre 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, weâre a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but Iâll stop here. I donât understand why you apparently donât want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didnât find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, youâre unimpressed that I manage my familyâs investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you donât think I have a 'real' job. Well, Iâve done very well as an investment manager. Iâve made my parents several millions of dollars. Thatâs real money. Thatâs not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, itâs a real job. Donald Trumpâs children work for his company. Do they have 'real' jobs? I think so. George Sorosâ sons help manage their family investments. Do they have 'real' jobs? I think so. In addition, Iâm both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that Iâm both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. Thatâs a unique characteristic; most people arenât like that. Iâve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. Iâve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, Iâm not a serial dater. Sometimes, Iâve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People donât grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have. Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think itâs better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world. I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you havenât returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. Iâm open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you donât want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you donât want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. Iâm sure you wouldnât like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you. If youâre concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you donât want to go with me again, well, my feelings are already hurt. Iâm sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial. If you donât want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldnât act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. Itâs bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if youâre not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but itâs not perfect. Again, Iâm not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. Iâm disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx (if itâs inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and Iâll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you donât want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc. Best, Mike |
