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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 758
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:14 pm: | 
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Read this biography of a sardar
When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didn't want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 757
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:13 pm: |
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Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class -
All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??" "No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 756
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:09 pm: |
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Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.
Banta singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 753
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:02 pm: |
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Goonda:
correct
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1962
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:02 pm: |
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Thunder:
C |
Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 752
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 05:01 pm: |
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Goonda:17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1959
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:58 pm: |
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Thunder:there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war."
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 749
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:56 pm: |
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Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) 8.
What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar , the last one
being
Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what
country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium
-OR-spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do
you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began
when
(approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1956
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:54 pm: |
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Thunder:A two seater plane has crashed in the graveyard in Punjab. Local Sardars have found 500 bodies so far and are still digging for more.
idi inkaa tooooooo much anuko |
Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 748
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:54 pm: |
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Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says."This is Santa Singh down in Chandigadh, Punjab. I amringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war onyou!"
"Well, Santa Singh," Bill replies, "This indeed is importantnews! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," says Santa Singh after a momentscalculation, "There is myself, my cousin Banta Singh, mynext door neighbour Gurjinder and the entire Kabbadi teamfrom the Village. That makes 8!"
Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Santa Singh that Ihave 1million men in my army waiting to move on my word."
"OK," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Santa Singh calls back. "Right Mr.Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquiresome equipment!"
"What equipment would that be, Santa Singh?" Bill asks."Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Gill'stractor from the farm." Once more Bill sighs and says, "Imust tell you Santa Singh that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000mine layers,10,000 armored cars and my army has increased to1 and a half million since we last spoke." "I'll be dogged!"says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"Sure enough, Santa Singh calls again the next day."Right Mr.Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to getourselves airborne! We've gotten out old Govind's cropsprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and theHockey team has joined us as well!"
Once more Bill sighs and says "I must tell you Santa Singhthat I have 4000 bombers and 8000 high maneuverabilityattack planes and my military installations are surroundedby laser guided surface to air missiles and since we lastspoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Oh cripes," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back."Santa Singh calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Clinton, Iam sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.""I'm very happy to hear that," says Bill. "Why the suddenchange of heart?""Well," says Santa Singh, "We've all had a chat and to besure, there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war."
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 746
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:51 pm: |
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Santa's ferrari
Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou wouldn't have fit into her clothes)
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 745
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:49 pm: |
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Flash News:
A two seater plane has crashed in the graveyard in Punjab. Local Sardars have found 500 bodies so far and are still digging for more.
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1955
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:47 pm: |
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Thunder:
kummi paresavu po mama |
Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 743
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:46 pm: |
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Report submitted by Banta Singh to his manager after completing his Y2K
verification task.Dear Sir,
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on
budget. We have gone through every line of code
in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data
files, including backups and historic
archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to
report that we have completed the "Y-to-K"
date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs
and all data to reflect your new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk,
August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of
this Y to K problem has made any sense to
me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help
in any way possible. And what does the year
2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to
do next year when the two digit year rolls
over from 99 to 00?
We'll await your direction."
Very Sincerely
Banta Singh
Y2K Project Leader
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1953
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:44 pm: |
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Thunder:Yesterday u said H to O.
idi o pali already inna |
Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 742
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:44 pm: |
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idi too much
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important
space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and
double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.
However, on the day of our launch, something seemed
to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never
took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were
puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
Finally, there was an Sardar who offered
to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and
agreed to do anything.
"Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the
Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
"Bring it back to vertical position" the Sardar said.
The engineers did.
"Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the
rocket took off and flew into outer space!
Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew
what to do. He replied -
"It is very simple. This is what we always do with our
Bajaj scooters in India".
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 741
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:43 pm: |
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What is the chemical formula 4 water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.
Teacher: what r u talking about?
Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1951
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:42 pm: |
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Thunder:'Well, my father killed it
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 740
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:42 pm: |
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Santa singh and Banta singh were always boasting of theirparents achievements to each other.
Santa singh : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta singh : 'Yes, I have'
Santa singh : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta singh : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Deadsea?'
Santa singh : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta singh : 'Well, my father killed it.'
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1949
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:41 pm: |
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Thunder:The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and
woken up someone else"
Thunder:But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 739
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:41 pm: |
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Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very
depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England
was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win,
but I lost the bet."
" But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" " Yaar, I
bet on the highlights too "
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 738
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:39 pm: |
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Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an
aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had
no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives
and jump out of their planes.
First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute
and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed
his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also
floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant
and jumped out.
Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall
rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said
- " May Bhagwan help you".
Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past
him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster"
Saying so, he let go of his turban.
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 737
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:38 pm: |
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Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy
so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees
to wake him up when the station arrived.
This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees ,
the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell
asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he
went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and
suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and
woken up someone else"
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 736
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:36 pm: |
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A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must an swer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 735
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:35 pm: |
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Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks
Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 726
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:10 pm: |
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Goonda:
vaaakey
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Goonda
Comedian
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 1935
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:06 pm: |
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Thunder:
sardar ji jokes eyy mama, baavuntayi |
Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 722
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 04:05 pm: |
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After the shameful defeat of the Indian cricket team after yet another tournament, the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.
Dravid disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him "Hi Dravid!"
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as a muslim woman - in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Dravid comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig and shorts etc. All in vain, the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Bewildered by now, he could not help asking, "How did you recognise me?"
The lady replied - "I am Tendulkar!"
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 720
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 03:56 pm: |
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Here is the real meaning of Mohammed Azharuddin:
M-ay i have
O-ne crore please to
H-atch a consipiracy
A-against
M-y
M-otherland and to
E-nsure
D-efeat of my country
A-ll I need to score is a
Z-ero, and I will
H-ave to see that
A-nother few batsmen
R-un themselves out.
U-nlucky
D-ay will be my comments after the
D-efeat of
I-ndian
N-ation
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 719
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 03:55 pm: |
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Q - Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of Pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. Why?
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener
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Thunder
Junior Artist
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 717
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 - 03:51 pm: |
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there was a taxi driver who for fun liked to run over paki's
and took great delight when he heard the thud of the paki's body
on his hood.
one day a priest got in his cab and said church please the taxi man replied
no problem as he was taking him to Temple he saw a paki and instintively went to run over the paki but then remembered there was a priest in his car and swerved to miss him but then he heard the familliar sound of the thud
and said to the priest im sorry Punditji i almost hit that paki the priest replies no problem son i got him with the door. 
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