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Friday Short Story - The Journey

Chalanachithram.com DB » Archives » Archive through May 26, 2010 » Friday Short Story - The Journey « Previous Next »
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Cinejeevi
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Username: Cinejeevi

Post Number: 5198
Registered: 01-2008
Posted From: 91.103.41.50

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Posted on Monday, May 24, 2010 - 10:57 am:       

intaki main character jail ninchi intikelladaa leka intlonchi paripoyi chala kaalam tarvata intikeltunnaadaa?

malla story chadive opika ledu..

koncham telugu lo cheppanDi pls
kurraaDanukuni kunukulu teesE verridaanikee pilupu.. idE naa mElukolupu
 

Mrhyderabad
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Username: Mrhyderabad

Post Number: 6358
Registered: 01-2008
Posted From: 167.230.38.120

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Posted on Monday, May 24, 2010 - 10:45 am:       


Humpty_dumpty:


HD, Good one...


Humpty_dumpty:

He craned his neck to see if anyone was around. He saw his aunt sitting in an arm chair. She looked lost. He wanted to say hello but moved on.


Kallaku kattinattu narrate cheyadam ante ide emo :-)
If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you
 

Humpty_dumpty
Side Hero
Username: Humpty_dumpty

Post Number: 7666
Registered: 02-2009
Posted From: 98.231.138.194

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Posted on Sunday, May 23, 2010 - 02:55 pm:       

thanks all...will watch out for the mistakes
 

Elcaminocapastrino
Megastar
Username: Elcaminocapastrino

Post Number: 20211
Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 98.207.90.202

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Posted on Sunday, May 23, 2010 - 02:04 pm:       

humpty mama...awesome anthey....perfect intro....
 

Platypus
Junior Artist
Username: Platypus

Post Number: 276
Registered: 01-2008
Posted From: 122.169.158.34

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Posted on Saturday, May 22, 2010 - 06:19 am:       

Cute. :-) liked it. A bit incomplete though.
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
 

Uppu
Comedian
Username: Uppu

Post Number: 1663
Registered: 11-2007
Posted From: 206.16.32.135

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 06:47 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:


Nenu ekkado edo miss ayyanu
âGenerations to come will scarce believe that such a one as this walked the earth in flesh and blood.â
 

Humpty_dumpty
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Username: Humpty_dumpty

Post Number: 7656
Registered: 02-2009
Posted From: 98.231.138.194

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 06:34 pm:       


Guttonkay:



Anand_n:


thanks
yaa kind of overlooked describing his brother's influence on him
wanted to throw in a crush angle with his aunt's daughter...but did not

aunt looking lost, his home looking empty and dark is the gloom that is present due to ....

edo try chesaanu...next time will be clearer
 

Guttonkay
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Username: Guttonkay

Post Number: 4288
Registered: 05-2008
Posted From: 148.87.67.136

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 06:14 pm:       

nice. awesome nostalgia.

ee lines didn't add anything to the story, unless you are planing on seralizing this or going to post a part 2.

"He saw his aunt sitting in an arm chair. She looked lost. He wanted to say hello but moved on. He wanted to meet the man who was responsible for everything he was. The rest could wait. "
 

Anand_n
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Username: Anand_n

Post Number: 7362
Registered: 02-2008
Posted From: 167.24.104.150

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 06:03 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:




Nice:-) Konchem incomplete anipinchindi - like you refer to the man resposible for who the protagonist is and end without divulging who that is ..
aa chal ke tujhe main leke chalu ik aise gagan ke tale
jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho,bas pyaar hi pyaar pale
 

Secondcup
Comedian
Username: Secondcup

Post Number: 1207
Registered: 02-2008
Posted From: 199.74.155.50

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:54 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:




nice one mama , bagundi.
 

Mega
Side Hero
Username: Mega

Post Number: 3439
Registered: 02-2008
Posted From: 144.160.5.25

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:51 pm:       

HD thammdu cool!
 

Humpty_dumpty
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Username: Humpty_dumpty

Post Number: 7652
Registered: 02-2009
Posted From: 38.117.247.14

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:39 pm:       

@sachin, twitter, nani

thank you !
 

Sachin
Hero
Username: Sachin

Post Number: 16032
Registered: 04-2008
Posted From: 198.204.133.208

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:35 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:




good one annai.....
ittantivi enno marenno raaasi antha famous avvali ani korukuntannaaaa
 

Twitter
Comedian
Username: Twitter

Post Number: 1442
Registered: 10-2009
Posted From: 151.191.175.204

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:32 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:



kallak kattav annai good job last two lines lo touch chesav.
 

Rajusk
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Username: Rajusk

Post Number: 9707
Registered: 02-2008
Posted From: 165.254.117.43

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:31 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:

DB lo morning nunchi gold, dollar
rate, jewelery shopping ani seppi




Meeku ivanni unnai..leni vallu disco vaati gurinchi..
 

Nanigadu
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Username: Nanigadu

Post Number: 4954
Registered: 02-2008
Posted From: 204.92.92.4

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:29 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:




good stuff humtpty, baga rasavu, screenplay(if that is what it is called - explaining the surrondings/situations etc) baga set chesavu anipinchindi naku... keep up the good work.
When you point a fingre at some body remember that there are three fingers pointing at you and one finger pointing at God
 

Humpty_dumpty
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Username: Humpty_dumpty

Post Number: 7647
Registered: 02-2009
Posted From: 38.117.247.14

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 04:04 pm:       

@MS

thanks bro

@rajusk

DB lo morning nunchi gold, dollar rate, jewelery shopping ani seppi nannu depress chesi naalo hyder nee bayatak techaaru
 

Mental_sachinodu
Side Hero
Username: Mental_sachinodu

Post Number: 3603
Registered: 10-2008
Posted From: 63.161.147.10

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 03:58 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:




hum n dum bro...
baagundhi... senti pandinchav ee sari...


edho oka roju nenu oka story ettal ani decide ayya...
the world of appearances may or may not be real, or both may and may not be real - or may be indescribable; or may be real and indescribable, or unreal and indescribable; or in the end may be read and unreal and indescribable - its all Syadvada
 

Rajusk
Side Hero
Username: Rajusk

Post Number: 9698
Registered: 02-2008
Posted From: 165.254.117.43

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Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 03:55 pm:       


Humpty_dumpty:




Hyder HD roopam lo vachada..leka iddaru okate naa..antha confusion...gaa undi..
 

Humpty_dumpty
Side Hero
Username: Humpty_dumpty

Post Number: 7645
Registered: 02-2009
Posted From: 38.117.247.14

Rating: 
Votes: 4 (Vote!)

Posted on Friday, May 21, 2010 - 03:50 pm:       

He glanced at his watch for the umpteenth time. 7 AM.

He could not sleep well all night. It was not the hard bed or the hustle and bustle of the train nor the alien conditions he was in. After five years at the post, mingling day in and day out with relative strangers, whom he could proudly associate with the one ambition, one goal which they all shared. He felt a bit sad and lonely after leaving his brethren. He wished to see them again but not too soon.

He looked out of the window. He saw a few young boys down in their birthday suits playing in a small lake. Some of them were diving and swimming have a good time. Aah, the perfect morning. How much he missed it. When I go back, how wonderful it would be to go to the lake and catch up with old friends. Wonder what are they up to now? Are they too old for it? He smiled to himself.

The day passed on. He lost count of the number of stations the train passed through. It was almost late afternoon. But he did not feel any hunger. He had spent many days where he endured long hours without food and yet never lost focus. The guy sitting across him ordered tea. The vendor poured tea into one of those small cups. He saw that the tea vendor a "raakhi" bound to his wrist. He thought of his younger sister, the darling of the family. Elder to her by a few years,he was her playmate. His elder brother tended to them as a father would. He sometimes thought how much their mother would have loved to see how they both cared for her. She was only 8 years old when he left home, thinking he will come back the next day. He could not wait any longer to see her.

It was dark by now. He got down from the train and started to walk. The streets looked deserted. Village life does wind up early in the evening. He turned to his right. His home was only a few houses away. He took a deep breath and started to walk. He paused a little bit at the house with the tall coconut tree. His cheerful aunt and her daugther lived there. He remembered it was such a lively place. All the kids would flock to this house every evening. There would be endless games, songs and dance. He craned his neck to see if anyone was around. He saw his aunt sitting in an arm chair. She looked lost. He wanted to say hello but moved on. He wanted to meet the man who was responsible for everything he was. The rest could wait.

He opened the gate. The front door was open. Though it was not yet bedtime, he saw that the lights were dimmed out. He wondered where every one was. Perhaps, he should have told them he was coming home.

He took a couple of steps and stopped when he saw her. He heart filled up when she smiled at him. She still had the same aura of warmth. She nodded her head telling him to come closer. "Amma" he said and smiled. He finally came home.

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