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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2377
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 75.66.181.73
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 25, 2007 - 09:40 am: | ![]()
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Kosthabidda:
ringola ringola |
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Kosthabidda
Side Hero
Username: Kosthabidda
Post Number: 2752
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 61.14.7.138
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 25, 2007 - 06:24 am: | ![]()
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Goonda:
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Kosthabidda
Side Hero
Username: Kosthabidda
Post Number: 2749
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 61.14.7.138
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 25, 2007 - 06:20 am: | ![]()
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racha rambola |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2375
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 75.66.186.210
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Sunday, June 24, 2007 - 04:34 pm: | ![]()
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Thunder:
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Thunder
Comedian
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 1046
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:34 am: | ![]()
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Goonda:A beech iss a she dog surrounded by he dogs
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Thunder
Comedian
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 1045
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:31 am: | ![]()
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Goonda:"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, Wokayy? Thank you."
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Thunder
Comedian
Username: Thunder
Post Number: 1044
Registered: 05-2007
Posted From: 64.119.242.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:29 am: | ![]()
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Goonda:"Yesterday you lied with me, today you a lying with me and tommorow also you will lye with me. How dare you lye with me in the open class room??"
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2349
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:03 am: | ![]()
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Topic-Never under estimate a malayali
Kuttappan was bragging to his boss one day, "You know that I know everyone there is to know in this world. Just name someone, I mean anyone and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Kuttappan how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Kuttappan and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts,"Kuttapa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Kuttappan's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else", Kuttappan says. "President Bush," hisboss.quickly.retorts .
"Yes," Kuttappan says, "I know him, let's fly out toWashington."And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Kuttappan on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Kutts! , what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Kuttappan who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Kuttappan. Kuttappan and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Kuttappan says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people.
Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.
So he disappears into the crowd, headed toward the Vatican .
Sure enough, half an hour later Kuttappan emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Kuttappan returns, he finds that his boss has had a minor heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Kuttappan asks him, "what happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, " Who's that on the balcony with Kuttappan? |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2348
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:02 am: | ![]()
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An airplane was flying from Dubai to Calicut. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, "We have lost an engine, but don`t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it will take 7 hours to get to Calicut."
A little later, the pilot announced, "A second engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to Calicut."
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, "A third engine had died. Never fear, because the plane can fly on a single engine. However, it will now take 18 hours to get to Calicut."
At this point, Ubaud Haji from Kuttippuram said, "Gee, I hope we don`t lose that last engine, or we`ll be up here forever!"
malloos are simbly the best |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2347
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:01 am: | ![]()
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LIFE, WIFE and MOBILE.
1. Life before marriage with AIRTEL
" YOU CAN EXPRESS YOURSELF ".
2. After marriage with RELIANCE.
" ALWAYS GET IN TOUCH ".
3.After Honeymoon with HUTCH
" WHEREVER YOU GO, YOUR WIFE'S NETWORK FOLLOWS YOU ".
4. After one year Married Life with IDEA
" YOUR WIFE CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE ".
5. After 10 years Married Life is BSNL
" SUBSCRIBER IS NOT REACHABLE ".!!!!! |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2346
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 11:01 am: | ![]()
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You know you are a Malayalee when
You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine or in your dinner.
You don't cook rice in a rice cooker. You do it the old-fashioned way : water, a big pot, and fire.
You buy corn oil by the gallon.
Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
Uncle Ben's takes over the household.
Lipton Tea is bought by the bulk (especially when there is a sale for it.)
You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
Your brothers and sisters names rhymes or have the some letter to start with as yours.
MacDonald's is prounounced MAC-DOUGH-NALLS.
Your father and mother endlessly tell you stories of how when they first came into this country, they had to eat the cheapest parts of the chicken (eg. the back, necks, etc.)
During evening prayer, your Grandmother let's out a wailing belch. (If you could hear it, you know what I am talking about.)
You go to FOKANA / youth / spiritual conferences to pick-up chicks / dudes.
You have to explain to everyone, "That funny name is my father's house name."
Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come."
You are teased about having two first names or else that your first name should be your last and vice versa.
Your mom is a nurse or she works somewhere in a hospital.
Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from India with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.
You either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really want to stay away from it.
"You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
You have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your father's side.
At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
You will most likely be taller than your parents.
Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both.
Your mother constantly professes, "I am not gossiping on the phone. It is important conversation..."
Your American friends names suddenly turn into Malayalam names. (eg. Manay, Dhaveed (David) is on the phone for you.)
When your friends find out about the name your parents call you at home, you never hear the end of it from them.
On long road trips, Mohamad Rafi or devotional songs make the time fly by.
Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
You've had to sit through videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.
You have to hide the fact that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Everybody assumes you are Hindu or Muslim, because you are Indian but you stand up strong and say, "I am Christian."
Everybody assumes you are Christian, because you are Malayalee, but you stand up strong and say, "I am Hindu" or "I am Muslim".
You page yourself before you go out, so you look important.
At all the Indian parties, you and the Punjabis are the life of it..
You have heard of Malayalee Hit Squad, and you pretend you know someone in it everytime someone mentions it.
You say that you are in Malayalee Hit Squad to impress girls.
You act like you can dance Bhanghra styles.
Your North Indian friends mention a Hindi movie, you say that the Tamil or Malayalam version was the original one and that it was better.
Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
Your father and grandfathers have hair on their ears.
Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages.
Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
You are in an Engineering/Computer Science/Pre-Med/Med/Law program at your respective college.
If somebody asks you if you know a Malayalee person, your parents say, "His/Her father/mother was in my college." or else "Yes, We are from the same village."
You leave for college hating sambar, chicken curry, morra, and chor, but you come back home yearning for it.
You get angry about being compared to your other Mallu friends.
"Patti", "Thendi" and "Potten" are commonly used expressions of insult.
You create a name for IRC or AOL chat rooms it's always some name like "Thenga", "Pichati", "Ethikya" or things to that degree.
You leave it to your parents to find your spouse.
You pretend that you are not a Mallu at all.
Your Dad teaches you all the bad words in Malayalam, and your mom gets mad at him for that.
People ask you why your dad wears only a towel to pick up the newspaper or the mail.
You have a jungle growing in the backyard every summer, with pavikya, padavalingya, etc. growing and all your friends ask you why it stinks in the back yard.
(For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable.
(For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm.
You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.
Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you.
To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.
When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other.
Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In India (or other native country), we studied even more."
Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street unless they're close by.
Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
You like $1.75 movies.
You like $1.50 movies even more.
Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names.
People you call "uncle" always smell up the bathroom at parties.
If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late.
You have never met half of your extended family.
Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds.
A horoscope must decide your wedding date.
Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.
Your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son.
You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot."
Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried.
You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried.
You sound like "Apu" on the Simpsons.
You own a 7/11 or a motel with a name like "Roadside Inn."
One or both of your parents skipped at least one year of elementary school.
In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to anyone YOU know.
Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
You have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like your kids' social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're on in your checkbook. |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2342
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:56 am: | ![]()
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How many Malayalees do you need to change a lightbulb?
Infinite number..
One to change the bulb,
20 to form the light bulb workers' union (Marxist),
30 to form the counter union (CPI),
1 to be the Light bulb minister,
1 to head the Light bulb corporation,
45 to be nominated to the light bulb corporation,
60 to go to US,Germany, Switzerland and Hawaii to do import product survey on light bulb,
3 to form the Judicial Enquiry commission on light bulb scandal....
so on.... (BTW, Kerala Marxists anyway believe that you don't have to change light bulbs.. A light bulb has seeds of its own revolution....) |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2341
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:55 am: | ![]()
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Marriage Proposal of Mallu
Madam:
I am an young gentleman living only with myself in Kerala . I am a soiled son from inside Kerala . I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do?
So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon,
Yours and only yours |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2340
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:54 am: | ![]()
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teacher:WO.k. Kutty, what's an island?
Kutty: Yan Ialand iss a pieze of land surrouded by watur.
Teacher:Verry Good. Now,what's a beach?
Kutty:A beech iss a she dog surrounded by he dogs.
Teacher: Wo.K. Kutty give me yan yugxamble of yan ambphibian.
Kutty:A frawg?
Teacher;Good.One more examble?
Kutty:Another frawg? |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2339
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:54 am: | ![]()
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In our college lab, there was a Malayalee instructor, Biju and he was not very good in Hindi. We had to boot the PC's with a floppy which allowed us to do Unix assignments. Once a girl from our class could not get on Unix, as she had the floppy in her hand instead of in the Floppy drive. She asked the instructor to help her out with the computer. As the instructor was already very busy he looked behind at her PC and yelled "Tumko flopy disk kisliye diya ? daal ne ke liye na ?" and the whole lab burst out into laughter. The instructor realized what he said and burst into a smile himself and helped the embarassed the student |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2338
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:53 am: | ![]()
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A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and
needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will
need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over
the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of
the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the
bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and
says: "We are very happy to have had your business, and this
transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found
that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you
bother to borrow $5,000?"
"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for
fifteen bucks?" |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2337
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:53 am: | ![]()
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A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "Not This Woman." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.
So he told her, "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, Wokayy? Thank you."
The manager fainted........ |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2336
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:53 am: | ![]()
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A malu clerk explained to a customer as to why his Office was closed:
"The oo-fice was closed on O-gust dwendy secand because of a bendh colled by Kongress." |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2335
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:52 am: | ![]()
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Appukuttan was teaching a class. He wasn't very succesful in controlling the class one day as all had burst out laughing suddenly. He was doing his best to stop them when the principal who was on his daily rounds went by the class room. Appukuttan expected him to come in but he didn't and just walked by. As the principal went by Appukutan told his class, "Keep quite, the principal just passed away"
__________________ |
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Goonda
Side Hero
Username: Goonda
Post Number: 2334
Registered: 02-2007
Posted From: 146.18.173.71
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2007 - 10:52 am: | ![]()
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A girl student was fooling the male lecturer by telling fake excuses for not submitting her records. Finally one day the Malu lecturer got wild and scolded her like this:
"Yesterday you lied with me, today you a lying with me and tommorow also you will lye with me. How dare you lye with me in the open class room??"
__________________ |
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